Posts Tagged rant

The Art of Street Selling

Posted by Wilson in rant, suva, travel on September 14, 2008


Picture this:
It’s a perfectly good day to be out and about in the city. Your watch has just registered a little after 1pm, and the pavements are packed with office people out of their work zones and heading towards the nearest lunch restaurant. With your mind focused on your destination, you make your way through the hustle and bustle of the crowd, perhaps oblivious to everything but what’s infront of you, only taking note to worm your way around the incoming tide of bodies when - 
“Brother, buy a laptop.”
If you heard that sentence, nearly whispered, never shouted, and managed to both process and understand the implications of what was said in a split second, then congratulations, you’re a robot. For the rest of us non-logical thinkers, the oft casually intoned sentence offers up a business opportunity that is, at first appearences, simple, but carries with it significantly darker overtones.
It gets me everytime. The sentence is said, nay, murmured, my mind slowly registers someone speaking to me, yet my feet are still carrying me forward, oblivious to the offer. It’s usually after a few steps then does it occur to me that hey, I think that guy that I passed back there was trying to sell me a laptop. A few more steps, I slow down, and turn my head to look at mr laptop seller.
These guys are street smart, you have to hand it to them.
For one thing, they dress unremarkably. Not too flashy, not too scruffy, nothing that gives them away as a salesman of ‘opportunity’. You can find them always with a friend, and casual talk is exchanged between the two, often with a joke slipped in for good effect. To the unknowing eye, they could be just waiting for a friend before heading off for a tasty meal at the suva market. What betrays them however is their occassional focus of attention on certain types of people who regularly pass them. Young teenagers who dress well, businessmen hurrying to an appointment, casually dressed uni students who may have an interest in portable music players, these are the type of people who hold the seller’s interest most intimately.
When they’ve marked a potential buyer, they make sure they line themselves up when their target is heading towards them. Always on the side of the crowd, they never present themselves as a street hawker, and it is this pretence that keeps them (sometimes) invisible from the appropriate authorities. When said target walks pass them, their sales bid is casually spoken, as if they were yarning with an old acquintence.
“Hey brother, want to buy a phone?”
Why all this effort into looking as inconspicuous as possible? Most probably, it’s because the product on offer didn’t reach the street seller’s hands via a registered distributor ;)
Stolen goods have two markets. The thief’s personal interest, and other people’s personal interest. Since said product is on the market, it’s obvious that other people’s interest takes precedence over the thief’s own, and hopefully will fetch a handy dollar, if they can make a sale as quickly and as drama-less as possible. Technically, while any product can be made ‘available’ to the public, the smaller and easily concealed ones are on display. Watches, iPods/mp3 players and mobile phones remain the most popular, with laptops a close third.
There was a story a few years ago that I can’t seem to find the link online, but it involved a street seller conning some poor victim out of his money by selling a laptop case filled with soap (or stones, can’t recall which one). The conman had convinced his target that the laptop case did indeed contain a laptop inside. How the case was never opened before the transaction was completed, we shall never know…
I haven’t quite had the chance to purchase anything from these so called street sellers, since (a) I have a fine mobile phone and wrist watch thank you very much and (b) whenever I turned around to check out what exactly was on offer, the results usually were a tad bit disappointing. Of course, buying stolen goods is a big no no, but it can’t hurt to check it out. I’ve yet to meet the infamous conman who is selling the laptop ‘soap’ case, (I’m guessing he’s probably in the Bahamas somewhere, enjoying the good life by now) but I remain optimistic.
Who knows? I might just strike another luck…

, ,

3 Comments

Apologies for an unannounced AFK

Posted by Wilson in bloggers, rant on September 8, 2008

So I apologise for not updating the blog. Various forces have conspired against me, such as my temperate internet connection at home, a heavy work load, and a self imposed break. But fear not, loyal readers, for those were but bumps in the somewhat patchy road of life, a mere inconvenience that was surely negated by my love for both story telling as well as the use of long winded sentences, typed or spoken.

More interesting dialogue/stories/muses to come :)

,

4 Comments

Fiji’s Fail Coke Can

Posted by Wilson in annoying, lifestyle, rant on May 22, 2008

For a while now, Fiji and Coca Cola Amatil has served as the hub of distribution to distribute society’s legal drug coke both locally as well as to our friendly neighbours Tonga. Along side Macdonalds, Coca cola has successfully ingrained itself into the minds of everyone, and is as common in the cities as it is out in the bush. Since they’ve been around for quite some time, it was only natural for Coca-cola to take that as an initiative to dress up a coke can, slip on a few spazzy colours, drop a word that is so over-used locally that it’s almost losing its meaning, place a mysterious hand signal that is alien enough to make you wonder what exactly is up with the suits at that factory in Laucala Beach…and call it Fiji’s own.

While it has been around for awhile, I’ve decided to bring to attention those who aren’t aware of this new coke can, and point out just how annoyingly annoying the new addition to our diet is.

May I present, Fiji’s Fail Coke Can.


Initial impressions don’t yield that much. The coke can is your average 33oml can, with the traditional red and swirly hand-writing font we’ve all come to know (and even love) taking up one side. All in all, a pretty standard can to call our own.

That is, until you rotate the can around.


And you’re greeted by the sight of this new slogan “The Coke Side of Fiji”, as well as seeing the strangest thing that adorns the can. A Casper-ish hand pops out of the coke bottle artwork, holding a – wait – is that a Hang Loose sign?


Yes it is. And below the hand gesture is the infamous “Bula” word, with a tick next to it.

What. The. Hell. Is. Going on?

First off, the casper hang loose hand. If I recall, that sign is more commonly associated with surfers and their “chill out dude” attitude, as well as the use of the gesture. To be sure, I turned to good ol’ Wikipedia, and found out that I was right. Oh, but there’s more. Much more.

Aside from the fact that it is a hand gesture used by surfers, it is primarily a sign first and foremost used by Hawaiians, as well as associated not only with surfing, but other ‘beach’ sports such as “…kitesurfing, skateboarding, skimboarding, snowboarding and Skydiving.” Now for anyone who was born and bred in Fiji, the one thing they will agree with for sure is that Surfing isn’t a local thing. Granted, in Hawaii, it’s the national sport, but in Fiji, its either rugby or nothing at all. Surfing is usually taken up by either tourists, ex-pats, and a small number of dedicated fanatics. By placing a hand gesture that is (generally) familiar to only those within the “extreme beach sports” circles, Coca-cola is effectively saying that:

a) all Fijians (both indigenous and passport wise) surf, and therefore know and identify with said hand gesture.

or

b) because Fijians are mostly a bunch of ignorant fools who have not experienced the near orgasmic pleasure derived from riding mother nature’s curves, Coca-cola is taking on the responsibility of educating the masses on the joys of surfing, and subsequently, the hang loose sign.

Moving on, we’ve got the word “Bula” tacked on near the bottom of the can.

And where do we begin with this one…

“Bula” is Fiji’s greeting phrase, and is usually marketed as the word to be associated with Fiji overseas. So when FVB advertises to the masses in the 1st world countries, “Bula” is used to both say ‘hello’ and sell the travel package at the same time. Very efficient if I may say so myself. Its come to a stage though, that using the word “Bula” with a name or title, is starting to wear thin, wearing out its welcome mat. Now, when it comes to marketing, the use of the word automatically means that its:

a) Made in Fiji, for Fiji. Eg. “Bula-Loan!” Of course, the only thing made in this case is the huge debt if you’re not careful. Smiles not included.

b) A product that is marketed overseas, and needs that ‘Fiji’ touch to make it complete. “Fiji Prawns!” … “Bula!” See what I mean?

The same can be said for the coke can. I can almost imagine how the design came about…

[Graphic Designer for coke can]: Here’s the design for the new local coke ca -

[Stuffy Salesman from Coca-cola]: No no no that isn’t going to work. Throw away the pretty frills and what not. We need more oomph. Something that says – This is your cool can of coke, Fiji. Take it. Own it! Make it your own! Make sweet love to it! It is yours for the taking!

[Graphic Designer for coke can]: …

[Stuffy Salesman from Coca-cola]: Let’s put a chill out sign that those fancy surfers and all locals make when they’re doing their thing. Yeah. That ought to make it cool.

[Graphic Designer for coke can]: Uhh I don’t surf -

[Stuffy Salesman from Coca-cola]: I don’t care. It looks cool.

[Graphic Designer for coke can]: (shrugs)

[Stuffy Salesman from Coca-cola]: Oh. And put “Bula” at the bottom somewhere. We have to emphasize the whole “Fiji” thing to the locals.

[Graphic Designer for coke can]: Hmmm, thats abit silly don’t you think? I mean you don’t see “G’DAY!” on any of the australian coke cans do you?

[Stuffy Salesman from Coca-cola]: I don’t care. It looks cool.

[Graphic Designer for coke can]: (shrugs)

[Stuffy Salesman from Coca-cola]: Thats right. Now we’re talking. Oh, and put a tick besides Bula. Yep. Thats to show the locals that yes, this. Is. Correct.

[Graphic Designer for coke can]: What is correct?

[Stuffy Salesman from Coca-cola]: I don’t know…but it looks cool.

[Graphic Designer for coke can]: (sigh)

I give up.

PS: According to Wikipedia, in India and Venezuela, the shaka (hang loose) sign is used colloquially as a reference to sexual intercourse, and the hand may be moved in the direction of the pinky finger, as to mimic penetration.

, ,

10 Comments