Failed Paradise » bloggers http://www.failedparadise.com If you don't know what a Fiji is, you're in the right place... Fri, 16 Jul 2010 09:45:59 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=abc Us Gang: What Lunch In Suva is all about http://www.failedparadise.com/2009/05/us-gang-what-lunch-in-suva-is-all-about/ http://www.failedparadise.com/2009/05/us-gang-what-lunch-in-suva-is-all-about/#comments Thu, 14 May 2009 12:20:00 +0000 Wilson http://failedparadise.com/?p=177

Welcome to a new monthly (or longer – Fiji time and all) section of the blog where we’ll be having a chit chat with our local bloggers, and getting to know them a tad bit more then what you read on their profile page. With Fiji as their common denominator, these bloggers are part and parcel of our local blogsphere, helping to shape what we are to the world online.

[Fancy words end]

Probably the only food review website for local restaurants in Fiji, Lunch in Suva is all about the thumbs up/down. Godsent for people who are cautious about good food in Suva, these brave souls check to see whether eatery XXX deserves your hard earned dollars. With Suva as their playground, they’ve covered all corners of the restaurant spectrum, from the standard fish & chips fare to more cultured coffee offerings.
We’ve recently had the chance to have a little talanoa session with the gang behind Lunch In Suva, and find that rosters are unavailable, reviewing is a thankless job, and Tom Cruise is so not gay. Like…totally not.
How did it all start?
Kania Tiko (KT): I was drunk and said things I now regret, made promises I no longer want to keep, life commitments that make me want to end my life. Sorry what was this question about again?
Picky Eater (PE): We had just discovered Dan’s Fish & Chips. Someone said “How come we never heard of this place before? There should be a blog where you can find out about places to eat in Suva.” Everyone nodded sagely, agreed this was a good idea, and did nothing about it for 2 whole years. [This may explain why I awarded Dan's a 'thumbs-up' it no longer deserves]
Who’s on the duty roster?
KT: WTF is a duty roster? Should we have one?
PE: KT & PE are the only published reviewers on the team. At various times, other people have said “Great idea! I eat lunch almost every day … perhaps I could write reviews for Lunch in Suva too.” The mere utterance of this statement invariably opens up a wormhole in the time-space continuum which thereafter swallows all their motivation until we strike them off the list of contributors. Both KT and PE have facial hair; everyone else who has tried to write for Lunch in Suva (and failed) did not … There is no roster.
How do you choose your restaurants?
KT: With loving diligent care. Basically I let Picky Eater do all the work.
PE: We say things like “I heard that place is okay,” or “We’ve haven’t written up that place yet” … and I take these gems of truth and distill them in a draft post that remains eternally unpublished. Every so often (around once a year) KT will say “What’s next on the list?” … and then we refer to the list. It’s divided into several categories: places we love and should have written about last year before they closed, places we hate but don’t have the guts to go back to, places other people have recommended, and finally, places that require joint expeditions and wisdom from Mrs KT and Mrs PE.
Whats your review process like? A checklist? Mental notes for later? Audio recorder Private Investigator style? :)
KT: Process? we don’t need no stinking process! I sneer at process.I fart in the general direction of process. Process is for poofters, and Lunch in Suva is just like Tom Cruise: definitely not gay!
PE: We generally try to avoid scaring the proprietors … for instance, we try to avoid the appearance of being health inspectors. Notes are taken (usually mental so as to avoid aforesaid appearance of health inspectors), the menu is canvassed (and photographed if possible). If doing a joint review, there is a short deliberation to avoid ordering the same dish. Photographs are taken. Food is consumed. Pulse is checked; antibiotics administered liberally. Notes are compared; the writing assignment is made. The assigned writer then retreats to strive against inertia, writer’s block and general laziness until the post is done.
Up until now, are there any restaurants out there that are aware of your website, and have contacted you either to agree or disagree with your review?
KT: If they aren’t offering bribes to sex up the review, I ignore them and leave them for Picky Eater.  Since no one has offered a bribe yet that means I pretty much ignore all feedback.
PE: None claiming to represent any restaurant … but I am suspicious of a couple of glowingly positive ‘Anonymous’ comments on the review of The Joli Fryer

What’s the general feedback via email and comments been like over time?
KT: Totally fuck all. As mentioned above, not a single damn bribe has been offered.
PE: Mostly positive … after all, it is food we’re talking about. I generally blacklist restaurant proprietors who email asking for us to review their eateries (you know who you are). General comments are as they should be: focused on the food and service of the restaurants we review. KT occasionally tries to start flame wars.
Any death threats from thumbs down restaurants? :P
KT: See answer above, if you’re not offering cashmonay, I ain’t reading it. If you do a death threat with alternative offer of a bribe, then you will have my full attention.
PE: Death threats are hollow. If you killed us, we would take our Blogger auths to our graves and your negative rating would be immortalised. Re-read KT’s comments above … they’re a bit subtle, but you should find clues as to more effective ways of correcting a negative perception. Either that, or just fix your damn food and service!
Have you ever disagreed amongst yourselves over a review of a restaurant? If so, how’d you settle?
KT: Usually with pistols at dawn, but sometimes I just leave a dissenting view in the comments.
As a food connoisseur, do you consider it your job, nay, your duty, to review restaurants and their foods, or is it more of a hobby?
KT: The premise of this question is moronic, we are neither connoisseurs, nor is it a duty or a job.  Hobbies are for poofters, and Lunch in Suva is just like Tom Cruise: definitely not gay! You fullahs at FP though definitely give off the air of boys who like it up the arse. What were we talking about again? (Ed: Thats it – this interview is cancelled :P )
PE: We eat food. We either like it, or we don’t. The reviewing is neither job nor duty, and certainly not consistent enough to earn the status of ‘hobby’. We occasionally goad each other to do foolish things (like eat lamb curry from Singh’s) in the name of citizen journalism. We’re opinionated … our opinions are correct; we feel other people should be informed of them (when we have the motivation)
Whats the favourite type of food for the Lunch in Suva crew?
KT: There are only two types of food – good food and bad food. We prefer good food.
Worst experience in a restaurant?
KT: Any time I get sick – for instance Central Cuisine and that fucked up butter chicken in FNPF plaza. With bad service you forget about it in less than a week, you get sick and the memory stays with you for years.
PE: I still have a chip on my shoulder about being the only customer at the counter in the Joli Fryer one lunch time and being forced to go elsewhere after 20 minutes of failing to attract any one’s attention. But KT is right, I will return to places that have bad service if I think their food is worthwhile, or if I think the experience will be character-building, or if there is the remote possibility that this form of self-flagellation will result in an entertaining blog post. As for the butter chicken at the Boulevard … that was completely our fault. Any one who orders curry with a dairy component from a food warmer deserves what they get. See the requirement for character-building exercises above.
Quick no thinking question (though the fact that this interview is done via email kind of defeats the whole purpose of not thinking): If you were to eat only 2 types of dishes for 10 years, what would they be?
KT: Miss March and Miss July. (Ed – a guy after my own heart)
PE: I think I’d have to go with the ancient Egyptian chunky beer that kept the slaves quiet & energised for daily pyramid building, and fish in lolo with ota as the second.
Where do you plan to go on from here? Is a sister site “Lunch in Nadi” on the planned horizon?
KT: There would be, if I didn’t think Nadi was a shit hole that can only improved by the use of tactical nuclear weapons. As for future plans, I want to be the most powerful man in the Suva restaurant scene, with restaurateurs plying me with money, women, and drugs just so I don’t destroy them.
PE: There is a redesign in the pipe with better reader participation (agree or disagree with our reviews, give each eatery your own ranking, etc) and a move to a proper domain name. To the cybersquatter parked on http://lunch.in : you have messed with my destiny and karma is coming to get you.
Several people have suggested an expansion to Nadi, so we’ve reserved http://lunchinnadi.blogspot.com just in case. If you eat regularly in Nadi, have a vast reserve of motivation, and agree with everything KT has said so far … place $3,000 (with non-consecutive serial numbers) in an unmarked envelope and get in touch to talk about joining the team.
In the long term, there’s some talk of opening a restaurant in Suva, completely and utterly dedicated to the humble long loaf. Would you buy lunch from a place called “The Land of the Long White Loaf”? If that falls through, we’ll form a political party, get elected and suck happily at the teat of public funds

Thanks for agreeing to this interview. As a last, curious question, what do you all have for breakfast?

KT: This morning it was whole meal long loaf with sliced banana. I did weet-bix in draught beer a couple of years ago though and if FP wants to sponsor the draught beer and the weet-bix I’ll happily do a live guest blog for you on the experience.
PE: Caffeine … then more caffeine … then beef sausages, fried eggs, toast … followed by more caffeine.
]]> http://www.failedparadise.com/2009/05/us-gang-what-lunch-in-suva-is-all-about/feed/ 9 Top 5 Posts of 2008 http://www.failedparadise.com/2008/12/top-5-posts-of-2008/ http://www.failedparadise.com/2008/12/top-5-posts-of-2008/#comments Tue, 30 Dec 2008 08:32:00 +0000 Wilson http://failedparadise.com/?p=163
Image source: www.theiia.org (Because I was lazy to find a more specific picture)

Ah 2008.

2008 was many things to many people, but to this blog, some things never change, especially in Fiji. Sure, we’ve got dark times ahead with our somewhat soured relationship with New Zealand, but then again, when were we ever good friends with them to begin with? The way I saw it, we were always enemies, since Rugby brings out the worst in their devoted followers ;) Also, the world economy took a hit, and soon we’ll be all feeling the familiar pinch of tight pockets and careful budgeting.
But it wasn’t all doom and gloom you know. In terms of the much under appreciated sport of rugby league, the Fiji Bati fired up the hearts and minds of fijians everywhere when they made a surprising run at the Rugby League World Cup in Australia, showcasing a quality of rugby that echoed the awesome performance of the Rugby Union World Cup 2007. Fiji also took a step towards Hollywood popularity when they designated the pacific as “Bulawood“. Oh. And we got another hurricane.
And throughout all the posts (or the lack thereof), you’ve always commented, letting us know just what you think of whatever was posted, agreements, disagreements, flames, trolls, the work. Here are the top 5 posts of the year by feedback:

It was all about 2007 apparently. The mandatory lookback at our humble beginnings, our noobish attempts at blogging, the unwittingly popular posts about crazy air hostesses, 2007 was a year that heralded a new local blog into the somewhat sparsely populated blogging scene (save for the contraversial, army hating regulars). It happened. And there was no turning back.
OMG a dilemma! It was the weekend of weekends, with a showdown between two events that locals were preparing to follow and adhere to. Earth Hour, the initiative to save the world from its eco-gulping inhabitants, was going to be started around the same time as our beloved Hong Kong 7s matches, and a pros and cons list had to be drawn up to decide who was the ultimate winner. Of course, a cursory glance at the game times revealed that Fiji’s matches were roughly 2 hours ahead of Earth Hour. So in the end, both parties won. Rare.
Fiji has only just being exposed to the West and all its ways in the past few centuries, and seems to haven taken most of the influence in its stride. Franchise in all its glory has not been left behind, and has taken residence with an almost enviable ease. However, a few have since hiccuped and closed shop, due to either near impossible competition (all hail Comsol the mighty dvd distributor of pirate dvds), bad business decisions, or just plain bad luck.
Heh. Best photo of 2008 in my humble opinion, which is mostly overrated, and never paid any attention, but I digress. Vodafone and Digicel, both warring business houses in the field of easy phones and bright splashy full page advertising, go out of their way to grab the consumer’s easily lost attention, though Digicel went one step further, and brought in chubby R&B crooner Sean Kingston on their opening day. Of course, never one to lose sight of any opportunity, Vodafone staff somehow managed a photo with the star when he landed, with the digicel staff nowhere to be found. Lols ensured.
In a very pote kind of way as well. World famous magician and all round slick haired Harry Houdini visited our shores back in 1910 and upon seeing some locals perform a diving trick, bested them at their own game. I can just picture it. The local divers, after being made to look like fools, scratch the back of their heads, grin, and swear silently before going off to town to shoot a few games of billiard and curse at all tourists in general. At least that is what I’d do. Early 1900′s or not.
With that behind us, I’m certainly looking forward to what surprises 2009 has in store for us all. Stay safe this festive season.
]]> http://www.failedparadise.com/2008/12/top-5-posts-of-2008/feed/ 0 A new month, a new banner, a new name! http://www.failedparadise.com/2008/12/a-new-month-a-new-banner-a-new-name/ http://www.failedparadise.com/2008/12/a-new-month-a-new-banner-a-new-name/#comments Thu, 04 Dec 2008 11:45:00 +0000 Wilson http://failedparadise.com/?p=153
Image source: www.thehappyguy.com

Tis the season to be jolly, full of folly and all things lovo-fied. With one more month left in the year before we hit the reboot button, and with me still in the mood for updating the site, I’ve changed the banner once again. And with the banner change, there’s also a slightly v2.0 alteration to the name of the blog.
Behold I present you with: Paradise Fiji Blog: Abort, Retry Fail?

The slight name change was to be more descriptive to first time visitors, so that coupled with the introductory paragraph at the top, would give them a quick idea of what we’re all about.

A few of you return readers may recognise the cartoon characters drawn on the banner. It was done for the blog around the same time last year by the ever talented Mr Awesome Cake. Mr Awesome Cake was gracious enough to grace us with another original party like its the end of the year drawing. Since good times and clinking cartons are around the corner (or already present for some of you lucky people), this would be a perfect time to get into the festive swing of things.
]]> http://www.failedparadise.com/2008/12/a-new-month-a-new-banner-a-new-name/feed/ 8 New Shiny Happy Blog 2.0! http://www.failedparadise.com/2008/11/new-shiny-happy-blog-2-0/ http://www.failedparadise.com/2008/11/new-shiny-happy-blog-2-0/#comments Thu, 13 Nov 2008 11:31:00 +0000 Wilson http://failedparadise.com/?p=148
So today I decided to browse around the back end of the blog and see what new things I could tinker with to add to this mess of literacy we call ‘local blogging’. Granted I’ve yet to change the banner (and last year I couldn’t seem to settle on one for very long) but as the famous Rabuka would always say, “No Other Way.”
No idea how that relates to the new website changes, but I needed a quote from someone local, and fast.
Right.
First off, you’ll notice the nice and slightly edited introductory text has been moved to the top of all the posts. For the newcomers so that they’ll get a fairly quick if somewhat confusing idea of just what the hell this blog is all about, why there’s a coconut with a modem in the banner, and what ‘va kils‘ means. And just for the record, not all of us locals drink grog. At…the same time that is.
On the right side where most of the action is happening, you’ll discover a few new blog gadgets that should satisfy most gadgetphiles, if they do indeed exist.
A new poll! After their great win over the Irish, the Fiji Bati are going to taking on the current rugby world cup holders, Australia! Pray tell, how do you think the Bati are going to fare in the upcoming battle of the ‘massive, massive underdogs’ David and Goliath? Do we break the odds and achieve rugby history or go down fighting like the warriors that we are? Vote in the poll and let us know what you think. And be quick. Mr Impulsive put up this poll with only a few days to the game. Smart.
Oh. And ignore the old poll. For some reason only known to Elvis, I can’t remove it, button mashing the ‘remove’ button or not. Fail. Fixed due to the Firefox powers that be ;)
Fijians @ Heart displays who is following this blog, either via RSS or email. Because all blog owners need some sort of ego boost. Money payment or not.
After that we’ve got the awesome Fiji Calendar. Which, is supposed to show holiday dates and school terms native to Fiji courtesy of Strange Pants. Except that it doesn’t work. Because I don’t know how to set the RSS feed to subscribe to the calendar already laid out by Strange Pants. Help? Fixed, thanks to Strange Pants strange progamming h@XxoR 5k1lL5.
The list of local blogs of interest has been given a massive overhaul, thanks in part to the mod that allows you to display your own list of feeds from your RSS reader. So basically, what you see on the right is what I have in my reader under ‘local blogs’. Each blog has its own title (which is a link) as well as its latest post (which is also a link!). Of course, there are quite a few out there that are local but either (a) haven’t been updated since the original Star Trek series or (b) don’t have that much to say in way of the way Fiji is. Of course, I have missed out on some other local blogs out there that show other aspects of Fiji and its life, so if you know some that would be good to put on the list, leave a comment saying how silly I am to miss out on blog X because it’s awesome and to make sure I brush my hair properly the next time I go for work.
More updates, changes, hissyfits about components not working as they happen.
]]> http://www.failedparadise.com/2008/11/new-shiny-happy-blog-2-0/feed/ 3 Apologies for an unannounced AFK http://www.failedparadise.com/2008/09/apologies-for-an-unannounced-afk/ http://www.failedparadise.com/2008/09/apologies-for-an-unannounced-afk/#comments Sun, 07 Sep 2008 13:15:00 +0000 Wilson http://failedparadise.com/?p=132 So I apologise for not updating the blog. Various forces have conspired against me, such as my temperate internet connection at home, a heavy work load, and a self imposed break. But fear not, loyal readers, for those were but bumps in the somewhat patchy road of life, a mere inconvenience that was surely negated by my love for both story telling as well as the use of long winded sentences, typed or spoken.

More interesting dialogue/stories/muses to come :)

]]> http://www.failedparadise.com/2008/09/apologies-for-an-unannounced-afk/feed/ 4 The Local Blogsphere Bi-weekly Report http://www.failedparadise.com/2008/05/the-local-blogsphere-bi-weekly-report-3/ http://www.failedparadise.com/2008/05/the-local-blogsphere-bi-weekly-report-3/#comments Sun, 11 May 2008 10:02:00 +0000 Wilson http://failedparadise.com/?p=122
Media freedom has once again come in the spotlight, with the recent deportation of Fiji Times publisher Evan Hannah. Interestingly enough, just from asking around, opinion seems to be divided on such an issue, with some saying good riddance, that’ll teach overseas people to keep their mouth shut when they’re in Fiji, and other people saying that it’ll only be a matter of time before we’re all living in a country reminiscent of V for Vendetta.

Only time will tell how such an event would have an impact on Fiji.

When the Journey is as important as fun as the Destination: Meg goes on a road trip! Well…replace road trip with miles of crystal clear water, a superb boat and crew, keep the friends, (whats a road trip without friends?) throw in a bit of philosophical musing, and you’ve the making of a great journey, let alone an opportunity to take more great photos :)

Is kava good for you?: Babasiga finds out through a website that Kava could actually be good for you, especially in a fast paced world. Bring on the mix I say.

Christmas in Suva: cieart (with a small c, but thank you for reminding me mr correct spelling program) tells of her visit to her homeland during christmas last year. Boring family reunions, shopping centre meet ups and white dog faeces ensure that her visit was one for the blog ;)

A consumer view of residential internet service in Fiji: This is why I love Thrashor’s blog. He tells it like it is. For lack of a…tamer description, the Internet service industry in Fiji is fuck. All. And no, don’t take my vulgar word for it, read this post on the dismaying condition and why an open market for ISP service is sadly something that may not happen for quite awhile.

Swish…and away it goes: Jonathan of Oceanic doesn’t like littering. And he’s had enough. He’s declared war on all litters, and this blog is his weapon. Caught someone on camera littering? Send the incriminating evidence to this blog and join the fight to rid Fiji of its own litterbugs! Grenades not included.

Bring out the coolade: Lawrence is back after a brief hiatus, and boy does drama follow him around like…drama. While a girlfriend is keeping him busy, that hasn’t stopped him from picking up a new sport, looking at life with new found humour (or not), and try to stop the emo movement before it takes root here in Fiji. Good luck with that one Lawrence.

Gold at the Rainbow’s End: Freelancer45 is having fun in New Zealand. with a recent trip to the local fun park appropriately named Rainbows End. Initial hesitance aside, he manages to have quite alot of fun, at the same time oogling at all the ‘beauty’ that New Zealand has to offer. Don’t forget your homeland mate!

A hell of alot of restaurant reviews: Either the slave drivers at Lunch in Suva are wearing out their whips, driving the bloggers to post more reviews, or they were just really hungry, but they have released 3 reviews in one day and have no intention of slowing down. Soup Works, Dorothys Kitchen and Roma’s Hook and Chook all get placed under the review hammer in one day, with the Cakaudrove Fish Chips shop reviewed the next day. All this talk of food has got me hungry now…

Aroma Mesmerism: May has become mesmerised by both the new found word as well as some pictures she stumbled across online that depict a cute little girl being mesmerized by some mesmerizing roses. Ok…you can stop with the word abuse now. I’m sorry. That word was so…memeri – (snip. Ed)

Destination Calabria: Bellerophontes gives a heads up on whats going on with life so far, by giving the new Facebook chat feature, The Great Debaters and the tv show Dirty, Sexy Money the thumbs up. Also a quick peek at new and upcoming anime shows are in order.

Flight with Hardy Heron (Ubuntu 8.04): Navinesh gets his hands tech dirty after installing Ubuntu on his system. After a few tweaks and read ups, he finally gets control of the OS, though not entirely without hiccups. A great read for all tech heads out there.

A rise in Infammatory and Sensationalist Headlines: I have to agree with Jonathan on this post as well. While the Fiji Times does have its moments in journalistic quality, now and then their reporting tends to lean towards more…dramatic angles. Oh well, the more drama, the more attention, the more sales I guess.

Food and Suva: Suffice to say Rizwan does not like Joji’s Restaurant and their food, and goes into great detail as to why you should, at all costs, avoid such a place. Quite the visual description.

I hate SMS text marquee on Fiji One!: Sarnil has had enough of that annoying scrolling pointless distracting antline of text Fiji One regularly places at the bottom of some sports coverages, and has come up with the perfect, albit haphazard solution to named problem. Hit the jump to see the hilarious answer.

]]> http://www.failedparadise.com/2008/05/the-local-blogsphere-bi-weekly-report-3/feed/ 1 Fiji is a Warzone! http://www.failedparadise.com/2008/05/fiji-is-a-warzone/ http://www.failedparadise.com/2008/05/fiji-is-a-warzone/#comments Wed, 07 May 2008 09:19:00 +0000 Wilson http://failedparadise.com/?p=121 Back when the coup in Fiji was still fresh in our minds early 2007, I wrote this post about my friends’ hilarious description of a paradise in trouble. However, when the Interim government went on a witch hunt for anti-government bloggers, I decided that my post might attract the attention of said witch hunters and decided to put it aside till the excitement has died down.

Well, a year later, things have quieted down on the local blogging scene (I hope ><) and so, blowing dust off the top of this post, I present you with "Fiji is a warzone!"

(Image courtesy of that lovely, friendly website Encyclopedia Dramatica)

While playing World of Warcraft, one of my buddies Lawrence (who has a blog about his hits and misses with women) got a private chat message from one of his gaming friends.

Friend: Hey man I heard about the recent coup in your country. How you doing so far?

Lawrence: Oh everything is kinda ok for now…things have…quietened down around my area…

Friend: what? quietened down? what do you mean?

Lawrence: oh well the army drives around the place and patrols the neighbourhood since its usually lights out after ten o’clock.

Friend: Really? Damn!

Lawrence: Yeah…I’m currently playing from the basement of my house so that the patrols don’t see the light coming from my PC, and I’m using a really small generator.

At this moment Lawrence’s net connection fails, a problem he’s been having during the weekend. Probably something to do with the reception playing up. Anyways, after 5 minutes of reconnecting, he’s finally back online.

His friend immediately messages him as soon as he logs back into the game…

Friend: What happened? You logged off suddenly!

Lawrence: Oh that…yeah…I had to switch off my PC because the patrol had just passed my house and some light from the PC still shows through the windows upstairs so I had to play it safe.

Friend: …

man thats fucked up…

Lawrence: Tell me about it…

When I heard this, I burst out laughing, and wasn’t so sure who to kill, the overseas media, for portraying Fiji in the throes of a Militaristic, Dictatorship Rule with Army Patrols and Guns galore (the only guns I’ve seen so far were the ones held by the road block guards, and they’re not even loaded XD), or Lawrence, for spinning a yarn that seemed to just about confirm it all…

]]> http://www.failedparadise.com/2008/05/fiji-is-a-warzone/feed/ 4