Archive for category sex

Action! Comedy! Suspense! (Soft)Porn! Comsol has it all!

Posted by Wilson in movies, sex on April 15, 2009


I stopped by the old neighbourhood video/dvd store Comsol this afternoon, interested in what new additions they had in their library. Their stock is updated weekly, and while their range encompasses mostly A and B grade movies that either have already passed through the cinemas or are currently screening (and are generally labeled CCC, which I can only assume stands for Crappy Cinema Copy), now and then I notice a few movies, usually small indie flicks, that are not exactly your standard blockbuster fare, somehow making it into their weekly lineup. Generally, this is what I look forward to whenever I visit the store, but I do pay attention to my testosterone side and snag the occassional action mash up.

Comsol displays their latest range of movies by pasting A4 printouts of the movie’s poster onto a wall facing the front desk, which helps newcomers get up to speed with their latest offerings. Relaxing at the front, I browsed through the posters, mentally noting which ones were of interest, when I came across this:
Image source: www.wikipedia.org
No, this isn’t some B-grade rip-off from the actual Pirates of the Caribbean trilogy. Though in hindsight, it could be viewed as such. What this movie is, to be precise, is the biggest, most expensive adult film, made in 2005, and is basically about a bunch of “ragtag sailors who go searching for a crew of evil pirates who have a plan for world domination. Also, many of the characters in the movie have sex with one another.”
Mind you, the trailer for the movie is SFW. Mostly :P
Yep, thats correct. Right in front of me, pasted besides such familiar standard fare moviestock such as “Choke” and “Red Cliff” was an actual proper porn movie, in full and dare I say normal, display. Needless to say, I was taken aback by such boldness on Comsol’s part. I mean, granted, porn is one of the main money makers for many video stores for years, but it was always very subtle and secret like. Awhile back, when the Balu Khan sex tape was doing the rounds, video stores would have their own copies, but were always distributed under the table, so to say. So if you wanted to watch that particular video, you sorta had to whisper for ‘balu khan’, and next thing you know, you’ve got your own copy.
While I was still trying to comprehend what was infront of me, another customer on my right was already one step of me, and had inquired about the movie.
“Can I also get that movie there, Pirates please? Pirates? That’s pirates ga the pirate movie?” He asked.
Yes, I silently agreed. Pray tell, which Pirate movie are we talking about here? In a way, probably more out of disbelief, I was hoping that somehow, someone had mistakenly printed out the wrong (read: porn) version of the Pirates movie, and had just settled for this one, instead of the more family oriented friendly version we’ve all come to know and love.
The attendant, a young fijian guy, pointed to the poster.
“This one?”
“Yeah, that one.” The customer squinted, “Is it Pirates part one or part two?”
I was curious. Part one or part two? Did he even know there was a part three?
“Nope,” the attendant confirmed confidently, “this one is part one. Us gang only have part one for now.”
“Set. I’ll take it.” And with that, he walked off with his own copy of pirate porn (literally). I surpressed the urge to laugh and ask the customer if he knew exactly what he was taking home, but decided to instead just ask if what was on display was really what I thought it was.
“Hey bro,” I motioned to the attendant, trying to look cool and indifferent, “that movie, Pirates, what’s that movie about?”
A slight smile crept in his somewhat poker face, “oh that movie. Thing about pirates and stuff. Kila?”
I narrowed my eyes, hinting that I wasn’t quite the fool he made me out to be. “Pirates ga thing one porno movie?”
The slight smile morphed into a grin. “Eah. That one.”
“Ah.”
NOTE: Upon closer inspection, the “Pirates” poster had a ‘R18′ stenciled on it. A cursory glance at the movie’s wiki page reveals that the pornographic movie had two versions, the standard “Bangalot” version, and the more sanitised (when is a porn not a porn? When it’s R18 :P ) R-rated version. Two guesses as to which version was actually being sold and displayed for all to see? Of course, what’s stopping them from actually having both versions? ;)
The plot thickens…

,

6 Comments

If You’re Looking For Porn…Move Right Along…

Posted by Wilson in Chest Porns, funny, internet, nudity, porn, sex on October 16, 2007


StatCounter is a great tracker that keeps a tab on the web activity of this hallowed blog. Generally I’ve just browsed the Summary page to see what paltry stats are shown in terms of total visitors etc (Yes we too need an ego boost now and then).

It was only today that I bothered to explore the other options that were available on the website. Turns out there was a healthy selection of data analysis tools. You’ve got your general “Popular” Pages (the historic streak for fiji at 2007 rugby world cup won this particular award), “Entry” and “Exit” Pages, as well as “Came From”. All fairly standard data.

The real kicker for me though was the Recent Keyword Activity. Basically “…this a great way to see up to the second how the latest visitors to your website are using the search engines to find your website…” And boy did the search results look like fun.

Before I begin the madness, let me state for the record that when this site was started, we for sure as hell did not intend for it to be associated with porn in any other way other then verbal fun, one or two grammatical mistakes and perhaps a sexually innuendo-laced post title.

…

Ok. Let me reword that. We’ve got squat on porn.

However, some people seem to think otherwise.


What you see is a table detailing what people type up in google, and somehow, by some wierd act of nature, get directed to this site.

The search for ‘fiji porn’ shows that some fellow fijian (I’m guessing) from Australia was feeling homesick. Unfortunately (or fortunately for us, more traffic!) the resulting page wasn’t quite what he expected.

Another search keyword (and probably the most typed in google besides ‘One Night in Paris’) ‘Porn’ ended up sending those poor mates to the ‘Chest Porns ftl’ post.

‘Fuck in Kitchen’ leaves you with the article on Oliver’s Kitchen, aptedly titled ‘Fuck’s Kitchen’.

Some of the arrivals via keywords are just plain off the hook, with ‘sebastian chabal big penis’ being the cringe worthy entry, the Entry page into the site being of equal cringe status.

Take note that this is only the first page of search results. I’ll spare you the pain of browsing further pages, but know that it involved more ‘fiji porn’, ‘fijian fucking’ and ‘porns’.

One surprise from the searched keywords results was…rups. As in Rups Big Bear, the local Furniture/Plastic Goods/cheap electronics/face switching Retail Outlet with a Berenstain esque bear as a mascot. Interesting. Well, to each their own. Even if it may involve people in bear suits.

In hindsight, I may have just unintentionally directed more porn searchers this way thanks in no small part to this particular post and its catchy keywords.

In that case, put away the moisterizer, calm your nipples down and enjoy the blog. You just might forget why you came here in the first place.

9 Comments

… of the month

Posted by Allen in ...ofthemonth, sex, student, teacher on March 19, 2007

Our ‘… of the month’ for March is a comment of the month. This is off a blog post with the headline Teacher jailed for oral sex with male teenage student.

ManilaRyce said…

summa cum laude

this thing has really exploded in the teacher’s face. it’s also too bad everyone blew it for the student. that just sucks. It’s not easy to get head of the class when you’ve got such a heavy load. however, i find defense of the teacher a bit hard to swallow.

All I can say is ‘no comment’.

4 Comments

The Seedy Underworld of Herbs ;)

Posted by Wilson in sex on March 11, 2007

It was on a slow Saturday afternoon that I found myself lazying at the local coffee store with Lawrence and Powerboy. I had earlier bought the Fiji Times because it had an ad I created for work.

Powerboy was browsing the back end section where the classifieds were situated when he came across this advert:

I would have laughed and thought nothing of it, if it wasn’t for the fact that Powerboy had reached for his mobile, and was starting to dial the number displayed.

Me: Dude. What the hell are you doing??

Powerboy: I’m going to call these guys.

Me: wtf? what – do you really have a penis problem or some shit like that?

Powerboy: No! Of course not! (I had narrowed my eyes at that moment) I’m just calling to see what they’ll say about the product :D Besides, I just bought a $20 recharge card, so I have to put that to good use ;)

Obviously I wasn’t going to shake his resolve to get to the bottom of the ad, so I sipped my weird fruit juice mix thing and watched him make the call.

Half a minute later he hung up and smiled at me.

Me: What.

Powerboy: There was this Australian lady on the phone -

Me: Australian?? O_o What – did she sound like a dame?

Powerboy: Ssshh let me finish. I think she was australian, I couldn’t quite tell where she was from. Anyways, she said that there is a guy waiting in the Southern Cross hotel right now in room 412 with all the herbs and is ready to sell it straight away.

Me: Say…isn’t the Southern Cross hotel just up the road from here?

Powerboy: Yeah. She said these herbs were 100% natural, so there isn’t going to be any side effects. But she also said to hurry because the herb man will only be there until 5:30pm, then he’s off to other places.

There was a brief moment of awe as we both (Lawrence was fixing the coffee shop girl) absorbed the amazing info we had just found out. All Natural Viagra! In our own backyard! Civilization was finally at our front door! Of course, I didn’t consider purchasing the product, since I’m pretty young and well thank you very much. But the thought of some seedy little man, selling sexually enhancing herbs, (from a hotel room no less!) in a seedy hotel (The Southern Cross does have a reputation of being abit too friendly to its customers ;) ) was something you’d normally hear of overseas, or even the movies :D Man has always been concerned about making things bigger, and now Fijians can be part of that evolutionary change!

Powerboy: …We go check him out?

Me: ummm…I’m not so sure. Do you even know how much those herbs cost? And what if he like, has a freaken gun or something? O_o

Powerboy: I don’t think he’ll have a bloody gun -

Me: Besides, The Southern Cross? Do you know the reputation that place has? The freaken Korea mobsters hang out there, doing their karaoke thing and getting massages and what not. No thank you, I choose life.

And that was that. It was kinda easy to forget this story, since both Powerboy and me considered ourselves young and healthy, and in no need for such a diet. But now we know, that an extra hour of drug-induced sex, is but a phone call away ;)

4 Comments