Seen in the Fiji Times Village 6 movie times section is this classic slogan re-worded to suit the reading and comprehension level of the locals.

To reiterate; The slogan for the movie in the above badly pixelated photo reads:

They are the most dangerous killers on the planet but this not our planet.

Boy I sa scared saraga, but the ad heavy I sa want to go watch this movie boy.

We go?

There are wingers in a rugby team, and there are wingers. Rupeni Caucau used to be a wing. And when he was the wing for the Fiji Team, everybody said this fucker could run.

Regarded by many as the greatest attacking player in world rugby, he has as many tries to his name as his no-shows, marijuana bans and failed passports. No other fiji player has garnered so much love and hate at the same time as Rupeni. Well. Maybe Serevi. But that’s sevens. We’re talking about the big boys here.

Speaking of big, Rupeni has recently gone the way of the whale, putting on pounds to place him in the running for both wing and prop. Personally I blame the french and their apple tarts. Seriously. As he is now, he surprised even me, and trust me, I’ve seen some pretty chubby rugby players in my time, but none as hefty as him.

However, while they may share the tipping scales element, there’s something they all lack compared to him, a vital point that separates the fat rugby players, from the others. They’re not Caucau. French apple tarts be damned, overweight or underweight, Caucau still possess the speed, agility and allround what-the-fuckery he had back when he was in his prime. He’s packing on the pounds, but he’s still running in the tries.

Watching the above video is an exercise in amazement as you see Caucau receive the ball, and like an eel, slips through the defense like a hot knife through butter. Oh the defense tries to stop him. I can see why they have hope. It’s just one fat dude right? WRONG. Fat dude is magically drenched in oil, you-no-tackle-me-voodoo and so much good luck he’ll make any Irish green with envy. And speed? As the second score demonstrates, fat don’t matter if you can still outrun FOUR rugby players. (Although it does result in a funny cartwheel at the end )

This man better be allowed to play for Fiji come the 2011 Rugby World Cup. Or no amount of french pastry is going to save the Fiji Rugby Board from the ensuing wrath of the fans.

Courtesy of Rugbydump.com

Alternate universes exist. These universes exist independent of each other, the people in them merrily carrying on with their own little lives, unbeknown to them the reality of another version of themselves is alive, just outside their realm of reality. Science has always scoffed at the idea that there is more then one version of Mr Jone and his reality, but at last, we have real irrevocable proof that out there, hidden from all our senses and technology, is another universe, very similar to ours, in close sync with us, mirroring our lives with intimate accuracy, save for a few scant details that differ on a minute basis. This ticket…is from the other side. In the alternate universe, they are having the very same event, the Coca-cola Games. Their ticket is the exact same copy as ours, right down to the venue. However, the only (major) difference between their ticket and ours is this; their month of April has 31 days in it. That’s right folks, an extra day for the alternates. Isn’t it just amazing.

That…or it could be a simple typo. A rather expensively simple typo.

I think I’ll lay off the Fringe episodes for abit.

Thanks Gurumi!

Because we all know how uncivilised chickens can be sometimes…

For those of us not in the know, uncivilised chicken is the literal translation of ’Jungli Murgi’, which is more of a slang description of how the chicken you’re about to eat was raised i.e. not cooped up in some unnatural metal meshed, artificial light, automatically feeding machines environment, fed weight lifting buff up vitamins along the way sorta up bringing.

No. This chicken was raised old school. Like, a simple fence, a tray with water, a little house on the prairie in the corner complete with adoring farm kids to chase them around, squeals of laughter abound, precious exercise for the coming night where the chickens have to play hide & seek with hungry mongoose. These chicken are Darwin darlings, bush bunnies, uncivilised. Ca.

Is there any taste difference between ‘uncivilised chicken’ and the run-of-the-mill manufactured versions? Of course. When you eat ‘jungli murgi’, know that you are consuming the bloodline of a thousand brave and defying chickens who laugh in the face of ‘progress’ and have struck a path on their own, forging through the tall grasses of the dangerous highlands of Naitasiri, pecking away at conventionalism, eating the very hearts of their enemies with cold precise eyes, crowing to the full moon on top of tallest mango trees, their very essence containing the spirit of the land upon which they live on.

Or something along those lines >.>

Why yes indeed that is the middle finger!

Bottled Water has over the years gained flack over a range of issues ranging from the marginal difference bottle water is from normal tap water, to the fact that the ecological footprint of every bottled water is more damaging then the so called health benefits it brings. Whatever that means.

So someone is trying to start a meme on Flickr denouncing the evil ways of the bottled water empire and its many subjects, this one being the infamous Fiji Water (with new export only packaging!). The hater on Flickr rants:

“Everything is wrong about this. The message that is it “green in every drop” when it has to be flown halfway around the world, the company will chase you down for saying anything against them, and while the company makes money, most of the island lives in poverty.”

‘…most of the island lives in poverty”? Surely Fiji isn’t as bad as everyone overseas thinks. Just because we don’t have HBO doesn’t mean we’re living in the doldrums. Granted Fiji does have its fair share of poverty, but what country doesn’t? And I don’t necessarily think that some bottled water company named after its host country is going to wave its magic wand and just…make it all disappear.

What do you think?

It’s true. Watch as Vijay Singh commands the elements to his will as he bounces,  rolls and ultimately pockets this near hole in one play.

Now if only he can do this on a game by game basis, we’d be the 7s equivalent world champions of golf, and both golf and rugby would be guaranteed medal earners in the Olympics, thanks to our otherworldly prowess.

Thanks Mark Simpson!

PS: Still alive and kickin

The Fiji Times salute alludes to a more sinister figure then intended when they begun celebrations to honour our country’s World War 2 heroes.

Vinaka @Strangepants!

For those who came in late, the two vehicles shown in the photos below belong to Fiji’s two mobile phone operators, Digicel and Vodafone Fiji. Judging from the angles at which both vehicles sustained damage (CSI training tiko vei iko saraga), the Vodafone truck had all the fun of owning the Digicel car. As to who exactly who’s fault this is – we can only imagine.

For the meantime, enjoy the photos and bask in the knowledge that this price war is only starting to heat up.

Shiny policeman is shiny.

The front right tire looks slighty sad

This license plate is full of win.

Ah Fiji. Home to the king of rugby sevens, smiling locals, white, sandy beaches, and seasonal coups. It’s quick to get washed up in the hype that is living in today’s fast paced society, but one mustn’t forget one’s origins and what humble beginnings they had before Mcdonalds and company rolled in.