Hello December!

It’s time to celebrate the close of the old year, and welcome the beginning of the end of the world. And what better way to do that then with the thunderous sounds of the home-made bamboo gun.

There’s a certain science involved in getting a bamboo gun to work. I, however, will not bore you with that today. Instead, here is a video of someone else’s misfortune at the expense of one locally grown bamboo gun.

Watching the man react in shock to the explosion reminds me a bit of this:

Amongst the more naughtier circles of conversation, making a circle shape with your pointer finger and thumb means basically one thing: your arse.

Holding it up equals “This. Is your arse.” The bigger the circle you can make, the more the joke is on your intended victim.

For those of you who don’t understand Fijian, here’s a rough translation of the joke, although jokes like these are best spoken and acted out rather then read. Also it goes without mention that if you do indeed know Fijian, you can skip this here below paragraph and just watch the video via yasiboiyawa.

A kaivalagi (white person) man visits a fijian village and becomes good friends with one of the village men. They hung out a lot, worked together in the garden etc. Soon, it was time for the kaivalagi to go back. It was a sad moment for the both of them. The (somewhat old & noisy) bus arrives, and they exchange tearful goodbyes. ”Goodbye!” Said the fijian man, “Goodbye! Make sure you come back one day!” The kaivalagi nodded, held his hand up in the ‘Ok’ sign and yelled “OK!”.

Without missing a beat, the Fijian man shakes his hand furiously in the same hand signal and screams, “THAT’S YOUR SIZE!”

It’s Hibiscus! Well…2 months ago. Taking to heart the concept of ‘Fiji Time’, here’s a video post (part 1) of the sights and sounds that were experienced at the Hibiscus Festival grounds during that week of fun-filled festive freedom.

Note: I am really terrible at naming parts of the car. I will seek forgiveness from my motorhead friends later.

And here’s the Youtube version:

There was a time when catching a taxi meant worrying more about whether you’ll reach your destination on time than, say, the weather.

Times have changed, both figuratively as well as literally. Now, catching a taxi requires that you a) manage to catch a taxi first (‘Where you going?’ ‘Nadera’ *drives off*) and that b) you have change, preferably small, or risk having to get off at your destination and run around asking people for change of $10 because the driver doesn’t have any.

At least this sign clears up any initial misgivings. Totally.

Vinaka @ChristinaFj!

Slack: Lame; Not up to your somewhat expected standards; Let down.

Claire: Whatever you gang watch, don’t watch Thor. Thing was slack man.

Shivam: Why you never come to the movies? You slack saraga.

Graphic Designer: Boss, here’s the poster for the new Super 8 movie.

Boss: What? Where? This? What’s this?

Graphic Designer: It’s…the poster. For the movie.

Boss: Poster?! We can’t use this for our newspaper times ad! Looks like someone forgot to turn the camera the right way up! Why are there silhouettes? Where’s the main star power?

Graphic Designer: Well it’s about a bunch of kids tha -

Boss: KIDS?! This poster ain’t no Harry Potter! Get me another poster for the movie!

Graphic Designer: Well we have the teaser poster…

Boss: Sweet Mary – did I just walk into a fucking Art Gallery? Where are the people? Last time I checked, movies were about people! People!

Graphic Designer: Well it’s going for more of a minimalistic -

Boss: Minimalistic your pay grade! I want a person in place of this damn artsy fartsy camera glorification photo of a damn poster!

Hmmm….say….remember that movie with that blue glowy guy whose dong was all you could look at -

Graphic Designer: Watchmen.

Boss: Yeeahh. That one. Grab a picture from that movie and put it in. People here like superheroes. Besides, there’s a damn ‘super’ in the title of this one, we might as well give them something to get excited over.

(Later)

This just in: According to the Fiji Times today (3/5/11) the most powerful man in the world today, the first black american to be elected President of the United States of America, Barrack Obama, is DEAD.

Oh wait. It’s just a typo. In a national newspaper. Fox News Style.

In the mass media frenzy that was Osama Bin Laden’s death, someone fell asleep at the keyboard. Heads will most certainly roll with this one.

Vinaka Keith Sweat for the image.

Well…re-enacted mob justice, but you get the point. A common sight in the alleyways of the Fijian community, if you come across a scene like this, you can probably guess two reasons:

1) The runner is a thief and got caught in the process.

2) The runner was a thief and got spotted, now running for his life.

Sure there may be other, more pressing reasons, but this usually is the most prominent one.

One of the more funnier local videos I’ve seen, because it’s true to life.

A sight often seen on public service vehicles (but not buses…bus companies tend to frown upon employee’s creative decorations), these vehicle stickers adorn the back of the taxi or minibus, usually accompanied by a barrage of other stickers that fight for your attention (or conspire to cause a rear ender). What’s unique about this particular sticker and the reason why it is this week’s ‘Photo of the Week’  is the fact that the text that accompanies the sticker isn’t meant to be as is.

“Your Text” is a place holder, with the actual intended end tagline to be of the owner’s doing, by choosing from a selection of letters that come with the sticker.

Here’s the kicker: I have not seen 1 sticker with a customized title. Not one. Literally all of the stickers I’ve, with many picture variations (the more popular version being Hobbes taking a piss) all have the same placeholder ‘Your Text’ and left as is. It’s almost as if everyone thinks ‘Your Text’ is as cool as the cartoon image above it, with a meta hidden meaning behind it that can only be understood if you leave the placeholder tagline and act like you meant to to spell it out that way. Or that you actually know what it means, but won’t tell anyone for fear of losing the air of mysteriousness about you.

The education begins now.

Song and dance baby. That’s how us Fijians roll.

Exemplified in this month’s Youtube Video of the Month, the local band “Savu I Dua” does an instrumental version of the famous and pretty old song by Kabani that can be heard many times around the grog bowl, but for some strange reason nobody I know seems recall the name of (if you do let me know aye via the comments section). Skip to the song which begins around the 0:30 mark, with the surrounding band members jamming away with about as much straight faced enthusiasm as any local performer can muster in front of cameras.

What differentiates this video from the multitude of other youtube videos of random people playing random music on random guitars is the hilarious monkeying around the apparent jokester of the group engages in about midway through the video, at the 1:29 mark.

Here the music picks up a notch, to which said jokester switches from slight facial twitching to a full blown dance mode to which the only similar motion I can think of is squeezing coconut with a granpa face. However, at 2:20, thats when the shit gets real, with gear changing, reel fishing and some good ol’ hipster wiggling thrown in for good measure. By the end of the song, you wonder how the band members keep a straight face with the major goofing around happening in the corner. Good discipline or grog dope-cipline?

This clip has all the makings of a viral video. Unintentionally epic. But intentionally awesome.