One of these gang is not like the other…

That’s right folks. That is none other then the rapper himself, Lil Wayne, posing with hotel staff of a local hotel here in deepest farthest Fiji.

When Lil Wayne tweeted his intention of touring the Southern Hemisphere, it was a huge surprise when Fiji was announced as squarely in his sights.

And he was touring with Eminem? It was almost too good to be true. However the somewhat vague nature of the tweet, as well as a lack of additional touring information regarding Fiji, meant that Fiji was probably filed under ‘stopping over for a spot of sun and beaches.’

After what seemed like a quiet few weeks post-announcement, a photo surfaced on Facebook. Shock! Amazement! He actually did drop by, even if was somewhat of a quiet event. All celebrities are in need of a little R ‘n’ R, and Lil Wayne is no different.

However, if he thought that Fiji was merely a stopover, then he is definitely missing out on a golden opportunity to have a little unorthodox fun. Here are 5 things that Lil Wayne should have done while in Fiji:

1) Grog

There’s a strong probability that he has already tried this, and to whoever was the lucky person who served him the first taki, onz. In my head, all celebrities, after passing the passport checkpoint, must partake in at least one bowl of grog, as a mix between pleasing the locals and being able to boast to their friends back at home, ‘I’ve partaken in third world tribal culture!’ For some strange reason, picturing rapper Weezy taking time out of his busy schedule to have a sip of the local juice strikes me as funny, though I’m not too sure why. Maybe it’s because grog is considerably the most un-gangsta juice out there. However, considering the fact that he loves his Fiji Water, kava drunk on the very same shores where Fiji Water is made may be the ultimate trip for him.

2) Get a pic on the beach for his next album cover

Nothing says ‘well traveled gentleman’ better than an album cover which features the white sandy beaches that Fiji is renowned for. Sure it’s not exactly the most gansta of album covers, but consider this: how many rappers out there actually have a beach of any sort on their cover? How many can lay claim to the fact that not only have they been to said beach, but actually went through all the effort to bring their own couch all the way from their childhood home, right onto the calming sounds of the pacific ocean washing up onto a picture perfect shoreline? Not many, if any. As an added bonus, Tourism Fiji could get in on the act, with billboards advertising how much street cred Fiji has, now that there’s an album with their beach featured prominently on the cover. “It’s Paradise Bitches” is a real winner. Perhaps “It’s Paradise Bocis” for the local market, but that is still being focus group tested.

3) Get mentioned in the papers for their violent swear-filled lyrics

Aaahh the ol’ controversy mill. Guaranteed to sell you papers, and at the very least, please your bible-thumping parents, controversy over anything and everything pop culture related is the knee jerk response some locals love to bring out whenever confronted with something ‘new’. The last time the Fiji media ‘highlighted’ a performer’s ‘suicidal lyrics’, poor Sean Kingston had to defend himself while simultaneously trying to look cool.

Of course, should Lil Wayne ever come under the same fire as Sean Kingston did, the ‘looking cool’ part would be automatically taken care of. As to his defense about lyrics being ‘lewd, explicit and suggestive’?

‘I don’t even know how to rap’.

Sounds legit.

4) Make a song with Laisa Vulikoro

Everyone knows Laisa Vulakoro. Here, she even has her own wikipedia page. Known locally as the Vude Queen, and somewhat less fondly as the singer for that brain aneurysm-inducing jingle ‘Suncourt! Aha! Aha aha!’, she has performed far and wide, proudly taking Fiji to distant shores with her vude music. According to her Wikipedia page, she has performed with Jimmy Barnes of Cold Chisel, a momentous occassion in itself, but one that would pale in comparison to the prospect of doing a R&B single with none other than Time’s ‘Best Rapper Alive’, Lil Wayne? Imagine the possibilities. A Vude-HipHop collab, the first of its kind in Fiji, or even the Pacific. Possible song titles could be ‘Never Get Enuf’ of dat Taki’, ‘Isa Noqu Bu’ and ‘Au Mili’.

5) Perform at a nightclub. Preferably Whistling Duck.

Most aspiring musicians go through hell to get their craft out there. Starting out in crappy, cramp, damp, badly lit clubs and bars, with patrons that’ll guarantee your daily diet of broken bottles and last nights leftovers, it’s the lowest of the low in terms of performance venues. But, as they say, ‘steel is forged from fire’, and (hopefully) from here you can only go up. By experiencing the worst humanity has to offer, you’ll be able to take anything that life throws at you later on. And in Fiji, no other bar has a reputation as low, or as scary, as Whistling Duck. Situated at the edge of Civilisation, Nausori’s claim to booze, brawls and caged DJs lies within Whistling Duck’s oft tested walls. And here is where Lil Wayne could test his steely resolve. Not only will he have to deal with an unruly crowd of village proportions, but he’d have to win the masses who are used to shallow remixes of vude/hip hop mash-ups. Sure, he’s proved he’s the man. But it wouldn’t hurt to engage in a little edgy venue now and then.

Knox, an accomplished musician and quite the guitar player, has been steadily making a name of himself ever since coming onto the music scene in recent years. A local musician with an album on iTunes as well as Amazon, he makes his music in a manner that befits his personality. His guitar based jams elicit a simpler, quieter time, and his musical range in the album ranges from a mix of jazz and blues, to this reggae riff ‘Sa rui dede’.

Currently he’s joined an assemble called ‘Sherrif N D Judges’, but also does a few solo gigs on the side.

Welcome to 2012!

A new year, a new set of resolutions that may or may not be forgotten a month in, a fresh start, it’s tabula rasa all over again.

And what better way to herald in the new year than jamming to the groovy tunes of O-Shen and his single ‘Country Boy’.

Locals will recognise many of the scenes shot in the video, as O-Shen takes a stroll through them singing lyrics that echo much sentiments amongst Pacific Islanders here and abroad.

Initially, I thought Alphamama was a girl group. Silly me. She’s a solo artist who comes from the Australian music scene. Having performed everywhere from the Opera House to our very own Traps bar, she’s definitely on the rise to greater things.

Her latest release and quite the catchy tune “Crazy Sexy Cool” is accompanied by a music video shot in Fiji. Shot by locals Jason Chute and Damian Light (Damian also did the camera work for Envy, he’s quite the talented bastard), it’s a great video that certainly highlights the things we all love about Fiji. Especially the bus.

The real kicker for this video though is, in certain shots where Alphamama sings to the camera, there’s this fijian guy dancing in the background.

…IT’S THE JAH FROM RA!

Not really. But close.

Song and dance baby. That’s how us Fijians roll.

Exemplified in this month’s Youtube Video of the Month, the local band “Savu I Dua” does an instrumental version of the famous and pretty old song by Kabani that can be heard many times around the grog bowl, but for some strange reason nobody I know seems recall the name of (if you do let me know aye via the comments section). Skip to the song which begins around the 0:30 mark, with the surrounding band members jamming away with about as much straight faced enthusiasm as any local performer can muster in front of cameras.

What differentiates this video from the multitude of other youtube videos of random people playing random music on random guitars is the hilarious monkeying around the apparent jokester of the group engages in about midway through the video, at the 1:29 mark.

Here the music picks up a notch, to which said jokester switches from slight facial twitching to a full blown dance mode to which the only similar motion I can think of is squeezing coconut with a granpa face. However, at 2:20, thats when the shit gets real, with gear changing, reel fishing and some good ol’ hipster wiggling thrown in for good measure. By the end of the song, you wonder how the band members keep a straight face with the major goofing around happening in the corner. Good discipline or grog dope-cipline?

This clip has all the makings of a viral video. Unintentionally epic. But intentionally awesome.

When the words “Local Music” is mentioned, what springs to mind? Cheery, smiley fijians standing on white sandy beaches, smiles beaming away, ukaleles in tow, harmonious tunes echoing in the pacific breeze? Calm stringed melodies singing of times of old, when times were simple and the grog flowed like the stream next to the house?

If you were just visiting our shores at the local hotel then, yes.

However, a cursory glance at localmusicinfiji.com will reveal a totally different picture.

Times are a’changin’, and amongst many young musicians today, its definitely all about the hip rap hop.

With the advent of westernisation, cheap computers and coupled with the ease at which the internet has made itself available to many families today (ah the good old days of dial-up…or maybe not), anyone and everyone with a musical bone or a lyrical leaning towards rap can make themselves heard. Several rappers have already made a name for themselves, such as Sammy G, Mr Grin, and Red Child, to name but a few.

The distribution channels for local grown music has improved with the help of the internet via bebo groups, reverbnation profiles etc, but the traditional means still remain, either through radio, a music video (if you’ve a video production company at your disposal), and even through public performances:

Not to be outdone by the advent of hip hop, krumping is also making headwaves with its subsequent introduction and growth.

It would be interesting to see just how far this genre of music and dance would develop, and with plenty of raw talent and the internet as their oyster, we should be in for alot of surprises in the coming years.

Further discussion led to myself staking claim that the survivors from the plane crash were actually stranded on an island in Fiji. Interestingly enough, I relied on google to help me search online for much needed evidence i.e. conspiracy theories from fans, to support my claim. It was through that search that I came across a band called “Lost in Fiji”, which is …a brand spankin’ new pop band based in London.

What a pleasant surprise, since it is a band from the UK and their sound is different to that offered by our popular local artists. The mainstay of music in this country is reggae.

I am not quite sure as to how the band’s name came about. Updates and information on the band can found on their MySpace and Facebook profiles.

As another google search bonus, I also came across a cool video which is a parody on Lost made on Natadola beach (in case you didn’t know) in Fiji.

That tour got me thinking. Both Australia and New Zealand have, in the past, played host to alot of famous musicians and bands, from Coldplay to Janet Jackson to the super rockers U2. All well and good.

And then I look at Fiji. We’re practically next door to Australia and New Zealand. And yet what was the biggest thing music-wise to arrive at our shores?

Of course, Hollywood stars don’t count, since we get them so much we’ve got a special landing strip at the Nadi International Airport especially for them famous people, complete with burly looking guards, tinted cars and a few carefully selected fans with their backgrounds checked.

When it comes to popular music artists, the list is pretty small, and I can count them all on my left hand – Benny Hinn not counted.

Lets see. There was the Ub40 Tour, which, I must say, have had the pleasure of attending, and by golly their performance was the best damn thing since slice bread. We also had Lucky Dube (though he isn’t quite lucky now – RIP) visit us twice, and even some musicians who were associated with Bob Marley. There were other musicians but because I’ve forgotten who exactly they were, I guess they weren’t that big.

But I’m missing the numbers, the heavy hitters in the music industry in recent years. Why arn’t more musicians touring Fiji?

Initially, I thought it was because of our small population, with numbers not sufficient enough to support the tour expenses wise. That would be a good enough reason to prevent any big tour from considering Fiji as one of its pit stops.

But after dwelling upon the issue for a few days, I’ve decided that population alone simply cannot be the preventing factor in a music band’s tour’s plan. No, the reasons are far more terrifying than that.

1) We used to be cannibals

Thats right folks. And we’ve still got the forks in the meuseum to prove it. Sure, all visitors who reach our shores are steadfastly reminded that those were the dark dark days before Western Civilization and Seasame Street educated us on the downside of eating your neighbours, but who knows? There’s a little gnome inside every one of us who wouldn’t mind having a piece of Kylie Minogue, and if your ancestors were into the “long pig”, then the possiblities would go up by 2%.

2) They might get ripped off by sword sellers

Image Source: nacken.com

Ahh, Fiji’s very own Grifters. For the unawares, sword sellers take advantage of the whole “Bula” culture in Fiji, albit with a twist (and $40US). By posing as friendly carvers who would like nothing else then to hand over to you a gift with – oh look! Your name is already on the Fijian wooden sword, how nice of them. And only $40US? What a bargin! Until you find out that the same thing goes for about $2FJ in the local stores… Imagine what price tag the sword sellers would put for our visiting rock band because they’re famous? $500? Their Guitar? The Tour Bus? Nay, the thought is too painful to bear.

3) Drinking Grog will fuck up Their performance

Grog is not to be taken lightly (literally and otherwise). While it is the country’s national drink, it is also used to settle disputes between two parties (see who can last the longest over a really really intoxicating mix) as well as a measuring stick to judge the strength of a newcomer’s stomach (see how long over a really intoxicating mix they can last till the first throw-up). Of course, the newcomers in this case would be none other then the visiting musician who, because of the local tradition, will be forced to have ‘just a few bowls’. If a multi-million dollar live show is to follow, then you can just about kiss your sponsors goodbye. Co-joined and oft slurred words, a belief that the whole world is a giant pillow, and the urge to see through half closed eyes as well as wanting to take a peek at what dinner looks like after 2 hours. These are just some of the symptoms experienced when grog-doped, and are not recommended for the light at stomach. Or inexperienced.

4) We have Death Cabs for Cuties. And everyone else.

They say if you can drive in India, then you can drive anywhere in the world. Fiji’s taxi drivers do not belong to this world. As John Michael of ROTFBMALFO puts it so eloquently,

When we did stop, the driver turned to me & said “Sorry brother, sometimes my brakes fail“.

wtf.

Enough said.