It was only today that I bothered to explore the other options that were available on the website. Turns out there was a healthy selection of data analysis tools. You’ve got your general “Popular” Pages (the historic streak for fiji at 2007 rugby world cup won this particular award), “Entry” and “Exit” Pages, as well as “Came From”. All fairly standard data.

The real kicker for me though was the Recent Keyword Activity. Basically “…this a great way to see up to the second how the latest visitors to your website are using the search engines to find your website…” And boy did the search results look like fun.

Before I begin the madness, let me state for the record that when this site was started, we for sure as hell did not intend for it to be associated with porn in any other way other then verbal fun, one or two grammatical mistakes and perhaps a sexually innuendo-laced post title.

…

Ok. Let me reword that. We’ve got squat on porn.

However, some people seem to think otherwise.

What you see is a table detailing what people type up in google, and somehow, by some wierd act of nature, get directed to this site.

The search for ‘fiji porn’ shows that some fellow fijian (I’m guessing) from Australia was feeling homesick. Unfortunately (or fortunately for us, more traffic!) the resulting page wasn’t quite what he expected.

Another search keyword (and probably the most typed in google besides ‘One Night in Paris’) ‘Porn’ ended up sending those poor mates to the ‘Chest Porns ftl’ post.

‘Fuck in Kitchen’ leaves you with the article on Oliver’s Kitchen, aptedly titled ‘Fuck’s Kitchen’.

Some of the arrivals via keywords are just plain off the hook, with ‘sebastian chabal big penis’ being the cringe worthy entry, the Entry page into the site being of equal cringe status.

Take note that this is only the first page of search results. I’ll spare you the pain of browsing further pages, but know that it involved more ‘fiji porn’, ‘fijian fucking’ and ‘porns’.

One surprise from the searched keywords results was…rups. As in Rups Big Bear, the local Furniture/Plastic Goods/cheap electronics/face switching Retail Outlet with a Berenstain esque bear as a mascot. Interesting. Well, to each their own. Even if it may involve people in bear suits.

In hindsight, I may have just unintentionally directed more porn searchers this way thanks in no small part to this particular post and its catchy keywords.

In that case, put away the moisterizer, calm your nipples down and enjoy the blog. You just might forget why you came here in the first place.
]]> http://www.failedparadise.com/2007/10/if-youre-looking-for-porn-move-right-along/feed/ 9 http://www.failedparadise.com/2007/09/i-like-more-head-ers/ http://www.failedparadise.com/2007/09/i-like-more-head-ers/#comments Thu, 06 Sep 2007 10:43:00 +0000 Wilson http://failedparadise.com/?p=60 In order to keep our blog fresh and alive (so that we can continue our rock star status) we will occasionally change the blog banner to reflect a post that so totally rocked our lives here in backward Fiji that we simply must let the rest of the world know.

For the first reference in the change in scenery, the honour of the first blog altering vision goes to none other than the “Chest Porn” affair! It is because of this post that we are now finally aware of the horror that is as chest porn.

Join us as we band together and say “Yes! We are not your Chest Porns to be played around with! Say No to Chest Porn!”

T-shirts are being made to commemorate this occasion and will be sold at the Flea Market for $2 and 3 bags of grog.

Here is one of them, with reference to the lovely display of the level of local literacy in the papers a few weeks ago.

All his ideas are teh awesome I’ma see if i can brush up the design and make it into something that we’d all love to wear around town…of course most of these jokes may only be understood by us young ones who are aware of these sorta things.

But hey…who cares. I like it.

I’ma see if I can’t work towards making this T-Shirt thing happen.

If any of you fools out there got any bright ideas on making these awesome shirts a reality let me or thrashor know