Archive for category celebrity

One of these gang is not like the other…

That’s right folks. That is none other then the rapper himself, Lil Wayne, posing with hotel staff of a local hotel here in deepest farthest Fiji.

When Lil Wayne tweeted his intention of touring the Southern Hemisphere, it was a huge surprise when Fiji was announced as squarely in his sights.

And he was touring with Eminem? It was almost too good to be true. However the somewhat vague nature of the tweet, as well as a lack of additional touring information regarding Fiji, meant that Fiji was probably filed under ‘stopping over for a spot of sun and beaches.’

After what seemed like a quiet few weeks post-announcement, a photo surfaced on Facebook. Shock! Amazement! He actually did drop by, even if was somewhat of a quiet event. All celebrities are in need of a little R ‘n’ R, and Lil Wayne is no different.

However, if he thought that Fiji was merely a stopover, then he is definitely missing out on a golden opportunity to have a little unorthodox fun. Here are 5 things that Lil Wayne should have done while in Fiji:

1) Grog

There’s a strong probability that he has already tried this, and to whoever was the lucky person who served him the first taki, onz. In my head, all celebrities, after passing the passport checkpoint, must partake in at least one bowl of grog, as a mix between pleasing the locals and being able to boast to their friends back at home, ‘I’ve partaken in third world tribal culture!’ For some strange reason, picturing rapper Weezy taking time out of his busy schedule to have a sip of the local juice strikes me as funny, though I’m not too sure why. Maybe it’s because grog is considerably the most un-gangsta juice out there. However, considering the fact that he loves his Fiji Water, kava drunk on the very same shores where Fiji Water is made may be the ultimate trip for him.

2) Get a pic on the beach for his next album cover

Nothing says ‘well traveled gentleman’ better than an album cover which features the white sandy beaches that Fiji is renowned for. Sure it’s not exactly the most gansta of album covers, but consider this: how many rappers out there actually have a beach of any sort on their cover? How many can lay claim to the fact that not only have they been to said beach, but actually went through all the effort to bring their own couch all the way from their childhood home, right onto the calming sounds of the pacific ocean washing up onto a picture perfect shoreline? Not many, if any. As an added bonus, Tourism Fiji could get in on the act, with billboards advertising how much street cred Fiji has, now that there’s an album with their beach featured prominently on the cover. “It’s Paradise Bitches” is a real winner. Perhaps “It’s Paradise Bocis” for the local market, but that is still being focus group tested.

3) Get mentioned in the papers for their violent swear-filled lyrics

Aaahh the ol’ controversy mill. Guaranteed to sell you papers, and at the very least, please your bible-thumping parents, controversy over anything and everything pop culture related is the knee jerk response some locals love to bring out whenever confronted with something ‘new’. The last time the Fiji media ‘highlighted’ a performer’s ‘suicidal lyrics’, poor Sean Kingston had to defend himself while simultaneously trying to look cool.

Of course, should Lil Wayne ever come under the same fire as Sean Kingston did, the ‘looking cool’ part would be automatically taken care of. As to his defense about lyrics being ‘lewd, explicit and suggestive’?

‘I don’t even know how to rap’.

Sounds legit.

4) Make a song with Laisa Vulikoro

Everyone knows Laisa Vulakoro. Here, she even has her own wikipedia page. Known locally as the Vude Queen, and somewhat less fondly as the singer for that brain aneurysm-inducing jingle ‘Suncourt! Aha! Aha aha!’, she has performed far and wide, proudly taking Fiji to distant shores with her vude music. According to her Wikipedia page, she has performed with Jimmy Barnes of Cold Chisel, a momentous occassion in itself, but one that would pale in comparison to the prospect of doing a R&B single with none other than Time’s ‘Best Rapper Alive’, Lil Wayne? Imagine the possibilities. A Vude-HipHop collab, the first of its kind in Fiji, or even the Pacific. Possible song titles could be ‘Never Get Enuf’ of dat Taki’, ‘Isa Noqu Bu’ and ‘Au Mili’.

5) Perform at a nightclub. Preferably Whistling Duck.

Most aspiring musicians go through hell to get their craft out there. Starting out in crappy, cramp, damp, badly lit clubs and bars, with patrons that’ll guarantee your daily diet of broken bottles and last nights leftovers, it’s the lowest of the low in terms of performance venues. But, as they say, ‘steel is forged from fire’, and (hopefully) from here you can only go up. By experiencing the worst humanity has to offer, you’ll be able to take anything that life throws at you later on. And in Fiji, no other bar has a reputation as low, or as scary, as Whistling Duck. Situated at the edge of Civilisation, Nausori’s claim to booze, brawls and caged DJs lies within Whistling Duck’s oft tested walls. And here is where Lil Wayne could test his steely resolve. Not only will he have to deal with an unruly crowd of village proportions, but he’d have to win the masses who are used to shallow remixes of vude/hip hop mash-ups. Sure, he’s proved he’s the man. But it wouldn’t hurt to engage in a little edgy venue now and then.