So Foster’s Group Pacific has just released Beer Towers into the wild. And you have to ask yourself, what is this unnatural abomination that has been unleashed upon the unsuspecting beer patrons of Fiji? What unknown element will this tower of terrifying possibilities bring to the balance of the single jug taki? How many more jugs must be bought before one brave soul steps up to test their mettle against that which cannot be drunk in one go, but is done anyways, against all odds?

Questions, questions, questions.

Yeah.

In case you’re wondering, that is me in the last frame, attempting to communicate with the god of beer through self-induced kidney failure.

Who am I kidding. Beer Towers are awesome.

Today’s comic is brought to you by the talented and at times devious hands of Awesomecake. Feel free to drop by his site for an unbalanced mixture of humour, comics, cartoons and at times sad signs of the lack of social interaction with his fellow humans via the acquisition of a new video game.

I had the hardest time trying to figure out an introduction to this article. Trying to describe what exactly is a taki without taking into consideration its scope and influence on the people of Fiji is risky, least of all un-patriotic. I tried all sorts of introductions, most of which failed straight away such as “Taki is as Fijian as the mosquitoes on your leg and the kani on your arms.” ; “You will always find things in Fiji – Smiles, coconut trees and a taki.” Rather then expose my substantially under developed ability to pad out introductions, I will instead start off simple.

The good old taki.

Taki, a phrase uttered many a time in Fiji, is Fijian for “serve the drink!”, and is usually associated with drinking grog. It can however be applied to any other drinking situation where the drink is being shared in a group, just like grog. Besides grog, the taki principle is applied to drinking alcohol in a group, either at home around a carton or two, or at the clubs, with a jug. While beer is the more common form of drink to be used in a taki situation, it’s not uncommon to taki other drinks as well such as coke and rum etc. As long as the drink is alcoholic in nature, the taki method serves its purpose well.

If you are a local, chances are you are already familiar with doing the taki, either through grog, or beer, or usually both, and so this article would be old news. However, if you are new to the drinking scene, or were a goody two shoes till you got coerced into drinking by sneaky friends, then fear not, the taki system isn’t all that difficult to get into.

The Stuff

To initiate a taki session, you’ll need:

Taki Master: Mind you, there may be other words used to describe such a position, but for all intents and purposes, ‘taki master’ or in its shortened form for this article, ‘TM’ is the person who is responsible for the taki.

Alcohol: Of course. Beer, Rum/cola mix, homebrew. However you call it, if it has enough of a kick to make you bring on the good times, then by all means taki it. Alcohol could either be served straight from the bottle, or from a jug as commonly seen in the nightclubs.

Taki glass: A typical taki glass should not be too big that filling it 3/4 up with beer would result in a half empty bottle, and not too small that you can fit 3 of it in a shot glass. Glass is preferred, as plastic cheapens the thrill. Of course personal preference could say otherwise, but glass is usually the norm.

Washback cup: It happens. You serve a glass, when it comes back, there’s a tiny bit left over that you’re not likely to share with anyone else (unless you hate everyone else. More on that later…). A washback cup is used after every taki where you pour the reminder into, then continue with the round. Sure you could simply empty it onto the floor (which I do now and then) but a washback cup is so much more…classy.

The Taki

The Taki Master (TM) is appointed either by a self vote (‘Mai I taki’) or a group vote (‘Vacava you taki?’). After the alcohol has been acquired, it is now a simple task of serving it out to your group of friends. To taki, pour about half a glass of beer and hand it out. When the glass comes back, empty the washback into the washback cup, fill the glass again and pass it out. Rise and repeat until the whole group has had their fill.

The order in which you circulate the drinks is entirely up to you. However, to ensure that nobody has been missed (though more often then not you’d be notified by a cry of ‘Oi! You missed me!’) a circular order is recommended, starting off with the person next to you, and ending with you.

After the round has been finished, there’s a waiting time, usually to let the served alcohol do its thing. The initiation of the next round depends on who calls for it, either by a thirsty member of the party, or the TM themselves. Starting the next serve is done by simply saying ‘TAKI’.

Bear in mind:

• When you are doing the taki, note that you decide the speed to which the group as a whole gets drunk. While various other factors may somewhat skew the end result (an alcoholic in the group for example), the general idea in taki is for everyone to get with the drinks together. Therefore the two speeds of taki are: a ‘slow’ taki is when there is a long waiting time in between rounds, and a ‘fast’ taki being the exact opposite, with little or sometimes no breaks in between takis, a tactic adopted either at the beginning of the session, or whenever you just want everyone to get fucked as soon as possible.
• As the TM, respect is in order for your fellow drinking buddies. If someone asks to be excused from the  taki rounds by either not drinking or simply preferring to drink their own drink, let them be. The same goes for requests for either a lesser amount of drink or missing the current round. Common sense yes, but a tact which is easily forgotten during the more drunken stages of taki.
• Full glass takis are usually frowned upon, and are generally reserved for the person who came late to the party or for that special someone who loses at whatever drinking game you were playing.
• The bigger the group, the faster the taki needs to be. Because it takes awhile for everyone to get their taki, in a big group, the waiting time for each person’s taki is increased exponentially, so a smaller break between each taki round ensures speedier delivery.

Ironically, a google search of the term "barrel night" revealed two sets of pictures, semi-drunk locals facing the camera, and guns. Lots of guns. The gun picture was posted here, because guns don't kill people. Badly organised barrel nights kill people.

When it comes to fundraising in Fiji, there are a few relative options, almost all of them involving grog and/or alcohol. While you could always have a bazaar with the friends and family, the lack of anything party-ish makes it reserved for larger organizations with manpower under its belt. For smaller groups, or enterprising individuals, there’s always the mainstay of fundraising, the venerable Barrel Night.

Basically, a Barrel Night involves you, a (usually) plastic cup, and a near endless supply of beer refills at the clubs. Sounds simple enough no? Sit infront of the bar and take in the free beer? WRONG. So so very wrong. Silly assumptions sink ships. Or something to that accord.

What you need is a Barrel Night Survival Guide, courtesy of veteran Awesome Cake.

Having spent many a dark night stumbling and fighting his way through the masses to get to the much deserved alcohol, he has formulated a water-tight formula that if followed to the letter, should guarantee you at the very least, your hard earned money’s worth.

So read up and take it to heart. Then spread the good word.

And the appropriate plans are made.

You and your friends pool resources to get the lovely box(s)of beer, badgered a buddy to give up his house (and possibly its last few moments of tranquility), arranged for some male/female companionship and hope they bring their friends, cooked some lovely chaser (food to ‘chase’ away the taste of the beer after the 50th round) in the form of spicy chicken curry, ensured that the glorified bottle opener a.k.a. the kitchen knife isn’t missing, chain the dog, brought out the mats, ensured that the neighbours are cool with the ensuring noise pollution, made a mental note of who can drink and can’t (but says they can), hidden the glass tea table, brought out the rags in case….you get the picture

And then you get down to drinking.

But is it really that simple? Do people in Fiji really just get together and have a good time, and thats that?

As this blog has showed in the past, nothing is what it seems here in deepest darkest Fiji…

Venue: Your best mate/classmate/workmate/kai/cousin’s house.

Day: Friday night. Because “Saturday night + Sunday hangover = no salvation”…

Contents: A few cartons of beer, the number depending on whether it was pay week and who actually contributed. Hot stuff is a luxury. Chaser in the form of mango skin, potato chips and oreos. Yes. Oreos. If a few of you smoke weed then well and good. Just make sure to lock the doors in-case one of them goes on the “wow i’m totally flat!” trips again.

Company: The smaller the crowd, the more intimate the friendship circle. Usually its just you and a few mates, choosing to drown your sorrows the cheaper way. If the circle gets any bigger via additional girls/guys, then its time to forgo the water cooler stories and bring out the wit and charm

The Scene Breakdown

6:32pm: Meet up with the rest of the guys to pool money for the beer. Usually the guy with the car gets the beer. If no one has a car, then the group breaks into two. The first group goes and gets the beer. The second group gets the snacks and makes their way to the house first.

8:00pm: You’re the last guy to arrive at the house. Hey, a fashionably late entrance is better then not coming in at all, no? Of course, arriving late also means having to catch up with the alcohol intake, so usually that means a full cup for you. No excuses.

“Woooo who is this falla who want to come late like this huh? This not your father’s house aye?!”

(motions the taki master for a full cup)

“Mai mai come inside, this full cup for you so that you don’t come late again eh? Totolo mada boci!”

8:30pm: The beer is starting to flow nice and easy. Conversation has picked up, and the beer runs quick….or not so, depending on how great the ‘taki’ master* is. Everyone has settled down into the groove, and getting to know the new guests is helped with alcohol. After all, its true what they say: with beer, EVERYONE is your bestest best friend

“Bula bro, James.”

“Io bula, Alvin.”

“Set. You working with Adriel?”

“Yeah us gang same company. The falla said he wanted to drink this weekend so me, Adriel and John put in for one box.”

9:02pm: This is when the guitarist in the circle starts to look/ask around for an outlet of his artistic/showoff potential. General rule of thumb is if you’re boozing at a grog dope’s house, there will always be a guitar nearby. When the guitar is found, both the songs and the singer come to play. Of course, it would help if popular songs were chosen, so as to fulfill the rest of the group’s drunken desire to join in