Archive for May, 2008

ConnectMe has Balls of Steel.

Urban Dictionary, ever the source of mental amusement, defines Balls of Steel as Extreme Courage or Manliness. Alternatively, you could go with Extreme Stupidity, depending on the situation at hand.

In this regard, we have a newcomer to the field that both FijiLive and Fiji Village hold sway over. ConnectMe is Connect’s new baby, and with the opening of their website, have released a set of adverts both on tv and print.

Their short 15 seconder (is it?) TVC’s are funny, but it’s their print adverts that gets my attention. Here is a scan of their advert that appeared recently in the media papers:


Quite the ad isn’t it? They might have well just sent this for print instead and posted the same message:


Either they’re so drunk with power that they don’t mind making print papers look bad, or someone has a funny bone from watching too many episodes of Seinfield and thinks that everyone will find this funny. The annoying part about this ad is that they’re quite right. Newspapers are fast becoming ‘yesterdays’ news, so to speak. The internet has brought in a whole new ball game, and it remains to be seen just how the print media will fare against hordes of overnight bloggers, the nth ‘connectme’ website, and online only newsgroups.

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Fiji’s Fail Coke Can

For a while now, Fiji and Coca Cola Amatil has served as the hub of distribution to distribute society’s legal drug coke both locally as well as to our friendly neighbours Tonga. Along side Macdonalds, Coca cola has successfully ingrained itself into the minds of everyone, and is as common in the cities as it is out in the bush. Since they’ve been around for quite some time, it was only natural for Coca-cola to take that as an initiative to dress up a coke can, slip on a few spazzy colours, drop a word that is so over-used locally that it’s almost losing its meaning, place a mysterious hand signal that is alien enough to make you wonder what exactly is up with the suits at that factory in Laucala Beach…and call it Fiji’s own.

While it has been around for awhile, I’ve decided to bring to attention those who aren’t aware of this new coke can, and point out just how annoyingly annoying the new addition to our diet is.

May I present, Fiji’s Fail Coke Can.


Initial impressions don’t yield that much. The coke can is your average 33oml can, with the traditional red and swirly hand-writing font we’ve all come to know (and even love) taking up one side. All in all, a pretty standard can to call our own.

That is, until you rotate the can around.


And you’re greeted by the sight of this new slogan “The Coke Side of Fiji”, as well as seeing the strangest thing that adorns the can. A Casper-ish hand pops out of the coke bottle artwork, holding a – wait – is that a Hang Loose sign?


Yes it is. And below the hand gesture is the infamous “Bula” word, with a tick next to it.

What. The. Hell. Is. Going on?

First off, the casper hang loose hand. If I recall, that sign is more commonly associated with surfers and their “chill out dude” attitude, as well as the use of the gesture. To be sure, I turned to good ol’ Wikipedia, and found out that I was right. Oh, but there’s more. Much more.

Aside from the fact that it is a hand gesture used by surfers, it is primarily a sign first and foremost used by Hawaiians, as well as associated not only with surfing, but other ‘beach’ sports such as “…kitesurfing, skateboarding, skimboarding, snowboarding and Skydiving.” Now for anyone who was born and bred in Fiji, the one thing they will agree with for sure is that Surfing isn’t a local thing. Granted, in Hawaii, it’s the national sport, but in Fiji, its either rugby or nothing at all. Surfing is usually taken up by either tourists, ex-pats, and a small number of dedicated fanatics. By placing a hand gesture that is (generally) familiar to only those within the “extreme beach sports” circles, Coca-cola is effectively saying that:

a) all Fijians (both indigenous and passport wise) surf, and therefore know and identify with said hand gesture.

or

b) because Fijians are mostly a bunch of ignorant fools who have not experienced the near orgasmic pleasure derived from riding mother nature’s curves, Coca-cola is taking on the responsibility of educating the masses on the joys of surfing, and subsequently, the hang loose sign.

Moving on, we’ve got the word “Bula” tacked on near the bottom of the can.

And where do we begin with this one…

“Bula” is Fiji’s greeting phrase, and is usually marketed as the word to be associated with Fiji overseas. So when FVB advertises to the masses in the 1st world countries, “Bula” is used to both say ‘hello’ and sell the travel package at the same time. Very efficient if I may say so myself. Its come to a stage though, that using the word “Bula” with a name or title, is starting to wear thin, wearing out its welcome mat. Now, when it comes to marketing, the use of the word automatically means that its:

a) Made in Fiji, for Fiji. Eg. “Bula-Loan!” Of course, the only thing made in this case is the huge debt if you’re not careful. Smiles not included.

b) A product that is marketed overseas, and needs that ‘Fiji’ touch to make it complete. “Fiji Prawns!” … “Bula!” See what I mean?

The same can be said for the coke can. I can almost imagine how the design came about…

[Graphic Designer for coke can]: Here’s the design for the new local coke ca -

[Stuffy Salesman from Coca-cola]: No no no that isn’t going to work. Throw away the pretty frills and what not. We need more oomph. Something that says – This is your cool can of coke, Fiji. Take it. Own it! Make it your own! Make sweet love to it! It is yours for the taking!

[Graphic Designer for coke can]:

[Stuffy Salesman from Coca-cola]: Let’s put a chill out sign that those fancy surfers and all locals make when they’re doing their thing. Yeah. That ought to make it cool.

[Graphic Designer for coke can]: Uhh I don’t surf -

[Stuffy Salesman from Coca-cola]: I don’t care. It looks cool.

[Graphic Designer for coke can]: (shrugs)

[Stuffy Salesman from Coca-cola]: Oh. And put “Bula” at the bottom somewhere. We have to emphasize the whole “Fiji” thing to the locals.

[Graphic Designer for coke can]: Hmmm, thats abit silly don’t you think? I mean you don’t see “G’DAY!” on any of the australian coke cans do you?

[Stuffy Salesman from Coca-cola]: I don’t care. It looks cool.

[Graphic Designer for coke can]: (shrugs)

[Stuffy Salesman from Coca-cola]: Thats right. Now we’re talking. Oh, and put a tick besides Bula. Yep. Thats to show the locals that yes, this. Is. Correct.

[Graphic Designer for coke can]: What is correct?

[Stuffy Salesman from Coca-cola]: I don’t know…but it looks cool.

[Graphic Designer for coke can]: (sigh)

I give up.

PS: According to Wikipedia, in India and Venezuela, the shaka (hang loose) sign is used colloquially as a reference to sexual intercourse, and the hand may be moved in the direction of the pinky finger, as to mimic penetration.

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The Death of a local Franchise


At times, living in Fiji reminds me that we’re still way behind in getting first world goodies, such as fast Internet, Superhighways, IMAX Cinemas, and the most recognizable of them all…big name merchandise. Generally, the sign of progress for most third world countries is seeing exactly how many franchise names they have. The bigger and more well known, the more chances of seeing clues of civilization.

Fiji’s no exception. While I can’t exactly speak for the 70s and 80s period (and library research doesn’t sit well with me…something about those book cases…), I can recall a major franchise to hit Fiji back in the early 90s. They say the quickest way to a man’s heart was through his stomach. The same could be said about impressing the locals with the ways of the infamous fastfood label industry.

Mcdonald’s opening in Nadi didn’t go too well with me, and grumblings from fellow suva mates as to why that ‘town in the west’ got the major upgrade, leaving Suva in dark were shared across the city. But hey, Fiji in general was now a certified First World Poser! Tourists can now come to Fiji, despair at the lack of support for credit cards, cable TV and bums who clean your car windows for money, but then feel almost at home again with the familiar rounded M gleaming in the distance.

You have to love the power of Franchise.

Following the opening of Mcdonalds, other franchises, some albit unknown, made their presence known. It was to be the golden age of business franchise branch opening here in Fiji, and at first, nothing could go wrong. When KFC played their ads on TV, you could close your eyes and imagine yourself watching television in Sydney, auzzie accents and all. When Eagle Boys Pizza announced their home delivery pizza system, it was just like in the movies even. Life was great.

However, all good things must come to an end, albit in this case, with somewhat of a whimper. When Eagle Boys Pizza opened, not in the heart of the main city of Suva, but rather on the outskirts, in a suburb called Valelevu, I was slightly taken back. Somehow, I just couldn’t see a snazzy jazzy pizza parlour such as Eagle Boys Pizza survive in an area that isn’t known for its spending power compared to say, a more upper class region such as Tamavua. My gut told me this was all wrong. The boss for the branch didn’t seem to think so.

“Valelevu has quite a large population,” he said in a tv interview, “There should be no problem operating in an area such as this.”

Last month, without so much as a notice, they closed down. Edit: Apparently the pizza boys closed down a lot earlier then previously mentioned (thanx for the tip Picky Eater (: ), almost 18 months ago infact. Ouch.

And the bigger irony is that the video store beside them, another (auzzie?) franchise was also in dire straits.


Apparently, being Ezy wasn’t enough to keep the franchise afloat. While they too opened with a flurry of activity and branches fiji-wide, slowly but surely, they came under fire from the one form of competition that holds a special place in alot of locals. Piracy. That, and trying to go up against Rowell, who weren’t really pirates per say, but their VCD prices were of pirate quality, with some movies going as low as a dollar. Compare that to Video Ezy’s $4.99 a night rental fee, and you can see why they struggled to hold up against the ever resourceful Rowell.

In Video Ezy’s defense, they were doing Fiji a favour by bringing in movies that most video stores, with the exception of IMDVD, would shy away from, the ones with little or no action, indie flicks etc. Sadly enough, like indie flicks, artistry doesn’t quite mean popular.

Last month Video Ezy had to close down their Lautoka Branch, with their Tamavua and Ellery Street branches already shutdown. While the company director Uday Singh has already written to the relevant authorities on the piracy issue, somehow, something tells me that not much is going to be done about it unless:

(a) Comsol is silly enough to try its hands at distributing rugby matches that were shown on Fiji TV, and attrach police/Fiji TV/media’s attention resulting in a great hullabaloo that’ll resonate for say…oh I don’t know…less then a week before everything reverts back to normal.

(b) Certain pirate movie stalls will be closed down swiftly at a Show/Festival/Gathering by FAVIA, resulting in a great hullabaloo that’ll resonate for say…oh I don’t know…a few days before everything reverts back to normal.

Does this mean that overseas franchises are doomed here in peaceful, coup-happy Fiji? Nonsense! Mcdonalds is alive and well, with its steady supply of teenage obese diet of burgers and coke, and a few blocks away, KFC clucks away merrily, although they seem to be less popular then the magic M. We’ll have to see how this goes.

Is there any other overseas franchise that has opened here in Fiji, and is thriving/failing?

PS: Maya Dabha not taken into account, since they’ve only just opened…and Rizwan doesn’t take too lightly to their lack of door opening attendees, dry roti, oily rice and orange/red chicken ;P

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The Local Blogsphere Bi-weekly Report


Media freedom has once again come in the spotlight, with the recent deportation of Fiji Times publisher Evan Hannah. Interestingly enough, just from asking around, opinion seems to be divided on such an issue, with some saying good riddance, that’ll teach overseas people to keep their mouth shut when they’re in Fiji, and other people saying that it’ll only be a matter of time before we’re all living in a country reminiscent of V for Vendetta.

Only time will tell how such an event would have an impact on Fiji.

When the Journey is as important as fun as the Destination: Meg goes on a road trip! Well…replace road trip with miles of crystal clear water, a superb boat and crew, keep the friends, (whats a road trip without friends?) throw in a bit of philosophical musing, and you’ve the making of a great journey, let alone an opportunity to take more great photos :)

Is kava good for you?: Babasiga finds out through a website that Kava could actually be good for you, especially in a fast paced world. Bring on the mix I say.

Christmas in Suva: cieart (with a small c, but thank you for reminding me mr correct spelling program) tells of her visit to her homeland during christmas last year. Boring family reunions, shopping centre meet ups and white dog faeces ensure that her visit was one for the blog ;)

A consumer view of residential internet service in Fiji: This is why I love Thrashor’s blog. He tells it like it is. For lack of a…tamer description, the Internet service industry in Fiji is fuck. All. And no, don’t take my vulgar word for it, read this post on the dismaying condition and why an open market for ISP service is sadly something that may not happen for quite awhile.

Swish…and away it goes: Jonathan of Oceanic doesn’t like littering. And he’s had enough. He’s declared war on all litters, and this blog is his weapon. Caught someone on camera littering? Send the incriminating evidence to this blog and join the fight to rid Fiji of its own litterbugs! Grenades not included.

Bring out the coolade: Lawrence is back after a brief hiatus, and boy does drama follow him around like…drama. While a girlfriend is keeping him busy, that hasn’t stopped him from picking up a new sport, looking at life with new found humour (or not), and try to stop the emo movement before it takes root here in Fiji. Good luck with that one Lawrence.

Gold at the Rainbow’s End: Freelancer45 is having fun in New Zealand. with a recent trip to the local fun park appropriately named Rainbows End. Initial hesitance aside, he manages to have quite alot of fun, at the same time oogling at all the ‘beauty’ that New Zealand has to offer. Don’t forget your homeland mate!

A hell of alot of restaurant reviews: Either the slave drivers at Lunch in Suva are wearing out their whips, driving the bloggers to post more reviews, or they were just really hungry, but they have released 3 reviews in one day and have no intention of slowing down. Soup Works, Dorothys Kitchen and Roma’s Hook and Chook all get placed under the review hammer in one day, with the Cakaudrove Fish Chips shop reviewed the next day. All this talk of food has got me hungry now…

Aroma Mesmerism: May has become mesmerised by both the new found word as well as some pictures she stumbled across online that depict a cute little girl being mesmerized by some mesmerizing roses. Ok…you can stop with the word abuse now. I’m sorry. That word was so…memeri – (snip. Ed)

Destination Calabria: Bellerophontes gives a heads up on whats going on with life so far, by giving the new Facebook chat feature, The Great Debaters and the tv show Dirty, Sexy Money the thumbs up. Also a quick peek at new and upcoming anime shows are in order.

Flight with Hardy Heron (Ubuntu 8.04): Navinesh gets his hands tech dirty after installing Ubuntu on his system. After a few tweaks and read ups, he finally gets control of the OS, though not entirely without hiccups. A great read for all tech heads out there.

A rise in Infammatory and Sensationalist Headlines: I have to agree with Jonathan on this post as well. While the Fiji Times does have its moments in journalistic quality, now and then their reporting tends to lean towards more…dramatic angles. Oh well, the more drama, the more attention, the more sales I guess.

Food and Suva: Suffice to say Rizwan does not like Joji’s Restaurant and their food, and goes into great detail as to why you should, at all costs, avoid such a place. Quite the visual description.

I hate SMS text marquee on Fiji One!: Sarnil has had enough of that annoying scrolling pointless distracting antline of text Fiji One regularly places at the bottom of some sports coverages, and has come up with the perfect, albit haphazard solution to named problem. Hit the jump to see the hilarious answer.

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Fiji is a Warzone!

Back when the coup in Fiji was still fresh in our minds early 2007, I wrote this post about my friends’ hilarious description of a paradise in trouble. However, when the Interim government went on a witch hunt for anti-government bloggers, I decided that my post might attract the attention of said witch hunters and decided to put it aside till the excitement has died down.

Well, a year later, things have quieted down on the local blogging scene (I hope ><) and so, blowing dust off the top of this post, I present you with “Fiji is a warzone!”

(Image courtesy of that lovely, friendly website Encyclopedia Dramatica)

While playing World of Warcraft, one of my buddies Lawrence got a private chat message from one of his gaming friends.

Friend: Hey man I heard about the recent coup in your country. How you doing so far?

Lawrence: Oh everything is kinda ok for now…things have…quietened down around my area…

Friend: what? quietened down? what do you mean?

Lawrence: oh well the army drives around the place and patrols the neighbourhood since its usually lights out after ten o’clock.

Friend: Really? Damn!

Lawrence: Yeah…I’m currently playing from the basement of my house so that the patrols don’t see the light coming from my PC, and I’m using a really small generator.

At this moment Lawrence’s net connection fails, a problem he’s been having during the weekend. Probably something to do with the reception playing up. Anyways, after 5 minutes of reconnecting, he’s finally back online.

His friend immediately messages him as soon as he logs back into the game…

Friend: What happened? You logged off suddenly!

Lawrence: Oh that…yeah…I had to switch off my PC because the patrol had just passed my house and some light from the PC still shows through the windows upstairs so I had to play it safe.

Friend: …

man thats fucked up…

Lawrence: Tell me about it…

When I heard this, I burst out laughing, and wasn’t so sure who to kill, the overseas media, for portraying Fiji in the throes of a Militaristic, Dictatorship Rule with Army Patrols and Guns galore (the only guns I’ve seen so far were the ones held by the road block guards, and they’re not even loaded XD), or Lawrence, for spinning a yarn that seemed to just about confirm it all…

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