Archive for April, 2008
Fail Picture of the Month
Posted by Wilson in ...ofthemonth, engrish on April 22, 2008
Photo courtesy of the ever resourceful sharkyI…don’t know where to begin 
PS: I do believe this is the shortest post I’ve ever had the pleasure of posting.
Indeed.
This Weekend is Forceline Earth Hour/Weekend – Again – What are you going to do?
Posted by Wilson in tipsntricks on April 14, 2008
After having a little emo time to myself (I found a new corner!), I browsed the list I wrote last week to see if there was anything I wanted to get up to, and realized I had missed the most obvious choice when it comes to figuring out what to do during black out weekend.
1) Run away to the West. Duh.
I can’t believe I didn’t see this when I was first writing my ‘idle hands idle weekend’ post. For us suva people, the west holds everything ‘escape for the weekend’ dear to our hearts. Town not populated with faces we’ve seen everyday? Check. Abundance of beaches to flip out on? Check. Relatives you haven’t seen in awhile? Check. Party atmosphere with fresh meat a.k.a. tourists waiting for the kill? Check. Check. And Check. Who cares about Earth Hour when you’ve got 3 boxes of booze to go through? Who wants to sit at home with no power and twiddle their thumbs when they could be swimming with the fishes? (happy and alive thank you very much, and not the infamous italian reference)
Yes, as I said before, I can’t believe I missed that. So sue me.
This weekend is Force line Earth Hour/Weekend – What are you going to do?
Posted by Wilson in tipsntricks on April 11, 2008
Thats a pretty long time in any official FEA power shutdown, since the only other time such a power cut would happen is either during peak hurricane hours or a coup.
So, what can one do during those dark hours to keep one’s self occupied? Worry nai as the locals would have you say, since this blog has undertaken the arduous task of researching worthwhile tasks to keep those idle hands…busy.
1)Cut power cables and sell them on the black market.
As John Michaels would have you believe, it is quite a profitable business cutting up power cables and selling it to the local scrapyard. Sure there’s a prison sentence waiting for you if you’re dumb enough to get caught, but hey, at least you’ll have some money to pay for the ensuring fines yes? And don’t worry. No electricity, no danger. Though plastic flip flops might do the job of protecting your life 
2) Go and protest the Chinese govt outside their embassy in Nasese.
The Fiji Times has reported today the arrest of seventeen people who were silently protesting China’s impressive human rights record with the upcoming Beijing 2008 Olympic games. Apparently protesting outside anything Chinese is all the rage so to ensure that we’re not left fashionably behind, grab your own cardboard slogan (don’t forget the bandanna) sign and make your way to the Chinese Embassy. After all, protesting won’t cost you an electric cent, and you’ll be duly noted in the books of all things good and NGO-ish.
3) Store water. Dig a swimming pool in your backyard.
Sure you could invest in a boring old Water Tank. But nothing says I’m a rich boci who can afford to wipe my grog bowl with the new hundred dollar bills like your own backyard swimming pool, complete with new chlorine treatment plant, and added sugar flavours such as Strawberry, Chocolate, and the newest addition, Grog.
5) Go and protest Fiji Rugby’s lame performance in sevens rugby outside the FRU office.
Fiji has been on the ‘suck’ end of the sevens game recently, with a string of losses, no longer the powerhouse that we once were. If you can’t be bothered with all things chinese and human rights, and consider the oval ball life and death, then grab your own cardboard slogan (don’t forget the bandanna) sign and make your way to the Fiji Rugby Union Headquarters. After all, its not such a big deal if we lose the World Cup Sevens next year right? Thought so.
6) Solve the country’s economic downfall.
Fancy yourself a whiz kid at maths, money and all things honey? Then check out the signs. Fiji’s economy isn’t doing so well for itself. We need someone who can help the country back onto it’s money-making feet, bring back those smiley happy tourists, and in general, make Fiji what it used to be back in the good ol’ days of 1970 and such (I heard it was rocking back then). Be sure to post your economic proposals here first. For traffic boost and what not.
7) Watch the Ballu Khan sex video. In like, candle light.
Or not. Your choice.
What do you plan to do during power down weekend?
The Local Blogsphere Bi-weekly Report
There’s talk of the national rugby team coming back to Fiji and receiving a hiding from anyone who cares to give it. And the line seems to be growing.
Earth Hour: Meg celebrates Earth Hour in style! Treasure Island does its part to protect the earth, and the hour is filled with candle lights, lamps, and an enthusiastic, live and unplugged band to keep guests happy. Oh, and more great night photography.
Uplifting Women of Fiji: Wendy of Babasiga showcases a few worthy non-profit projects being run in Fiji, one of them being Uplift Fiji, where they supply second-hand bras to the women in the rural areas of Fiji. Donations of all kinds follow, and its heart-warming to see all these goods being donated and handed to those who need it greatly. A worthy read.
Yellow Feather Duster to the Rescue!: cieart gets creative! Collage craft pieces aplenty in this post, and its quite the collection.
Quien No Ilora por amor: Besides making my head sore with the spanish title, Freelance45 manages to get both philosophical as well as catch up with a good friend over some really expensive korean food, and ending up doing an impromptu review of korean food. “Word to the wise: If it looks like grass….it probably tastes like grass too“
Let’s have a Protest March – Virtually – Flowing on from So Kon Po: This is interesting. The anonymous folks at Intelligentsiya have come up with an ingenious way of protesting the current regime by organising a virtual protest march. Yes, I know I promised this blog neutrality when it comes to politics, but this is an interesting concept. I’m mighty curious to see what the outcome of this initiative will be.
Central Cuisine: After eating there for awhile, I noticed something about the food though I couldn’t quite put a finger on it. After reading Lunch In Suva’s review of the restaurant, I realized then what was it. Follow the link to see their consensus on the ‘macdonalds’ of chinese food here in Suva.
The Wonders of Steelwool: Bellerophontes finds out just how effective good ol’ steelwool is, and does a little impromptu spring cleaning on his pots and pans collection. Oh, and he gets his hands on the Ballu K & Agnes B. Sex Tape. Interesting…
Digital Talanoa: Customer Services II: This is fun. Jonathan, the mighty crusader for all services good and efficient compares Customer Service between Amazon.com and a local retailer who near puts him to the wire with their amazingly great (not) and patient (read: can’t wait to get rid of customer) service. 50 brownie points if you can figure out what promotion he’s talking about, and an extra 50 if you pinpoint exactly who was the infamous retailer.
Online Communities: Rizwan takes a closer look at what exactly makes online communities work. Facebook, Hi5, even designer-nightmare-Myspace gets the microscope treatment. How much is too much information in such a network as this?
Una Boliviana en Fiji – Monday, March 24, 2008: Thanks Meg for pointing out this blog! Danica is a Peace Corps volunteer who works as a Youth Health Education Officer up in Savusavu. Her blog is full of wonderful stories about rural life, flying roaches, Halloween-fiji-style, and at times, just plain fun and mayhem. A great read. PS: Any help with the name of the blog translated?
Fijian Swear Words – NSFW
I’ve always had the belief that the best way to start learning a new language is by learning the words that will guarantee the most extreme reaction from its recipients i.e. either wide eyes, then a burst of laughter, or a sudden punch to the face, with an all out brawl ensuring. This will ensure that the meaning of your newly learnt word will be quickly imprinted in your mind, and, if you’re not careful, a black eye as well.
So, it is with much relish and evil glee that I present you with what should be, for all you non-fijian speaking readers out there, your first foray into the groggy, murky swear word list that is Fijian swears. Bear in mind a few points:
a) Swears are generally tagged NSFW i.e. Not Safe For Work. So if you don’t want your boss reading over your shoulder the definition of sona levu, then be careful when reading this article at work.
b) I will only be covering the most popular fijian swears, since as with any other language, one word is usually translated into many of the different dialects. Of course, with time, the popularity of certain swear words change, so for now this list is a reflection of whats the most popular trend in the filth department.
c) Please note that if you are in any way offended by anything vulgar, sexual, etc. this is the point where you close this webpage and load up something more friendly. Infact, here, click this: Hello Kitty. If you are offended, and you’re still reading this, then obviously your thirst for adventure is quite strong. Enjoy.
d) As with all of my previous posts, while I’ve tried to ensure that the contents of this article is accurate, it is open to correction and discussion. If you see something that is wrong and needs correcting, drop a comment and we’ll see what we can do. Just don’t use one of the new swear words listed below while you’re at it 
Fijian Swear Words
The way this is going to be done as follows. The fijian swear word is in bold, followed by the spelling in english so that you can pronounce it. Quasi english spelling/pronunciations ensure. You have been warned.
NEW: Audio pronunciation of Fijian Swears is now available! Thanks to AT&T’s Text-to-Speech website, you can now hear the words uttered in a super sexy female british accent. Funny.
Boci:Boh thee) an insult where you call a guy uncircumcised. In Fiji, circumcision is taken as a norm amongst Fijian guys. If you’re not in, you’re not in. Its use isn’t specific to any particular situation, and is generally an insult.
Friend 1: Your hair makes you look stupid.
Friend 2: Boci.
Baku:(Baah Kuu) See Boci. Baku is of the Ra dialect.
Magai Tinamu:(ma ngai chee namu) This is one of the most popular swears out there, and one that will pretty much guarantee your status as ‘one with fijian vulgarity.’ The ‘Motherfucker’ of fijian swears. Use this version only when swearing directly towards another person.
Friend 1: Your shirt makes you look stupid.
Friend 2: Magai Tinamu.
Magai Tinana:(ma ngai chee nana) Similar to magaichinamu though in this case, instead of having sex with your mother, this word is actually directed at her err reproductive area. Best saved for cursing in general.
Commander: Jone? Did you forget to wash your boots today again?
Jone: Magai Tinana.
Commander: What? Get down on the floor and give me fifty push ups with my big fuckin boot on your lazy, good-fer-nothing head!
Caita:(Thy ta) Quite literally, fuck.
Stoner 1: Brutha, you can see heaven from here saraga!
Stoner 2: caaaaaiiiiiittttaaaa
Caiti Tamamu:(Thys tamamu) Fuck your father. Very strong insult, and generally used when wanting to initiate a fist fight.
Guy1: Hey listen, I don’t want to fight, but -
Guy2: Caiti Tamamu.
Guy1: …
Caiti Tamana:(Thys tamana) Fuck everyone’s father. A generous swear for a group of people.
Guy to rival sports fans: Caiti Tamana!
Caiti Iko:(Thy tiko) Fuck you. And just you.
Friend1: Your sunglasses makes you look stupid.
Friend2: Caiti Iko.
Dou Vei Cai:(Dou vei thy) Go fuck yourselves. Like caitamana this swear is geared towards two or more people, and is usually yelled out in retaliation etc.
Friend1: haha your team lost the game!
Friend2: Do vei cai you and your team…
Drau Vei Cai:(Drau vei thy) This is specifically for two people, telling them and only them to go fuck themselves. Use when you need to direct your insult at specifically two people.
Guy with girlfriend: Haha you lost the bet. Time to pay up.
Friend to guy with girlfriend: Drau Vei Cai =_=
Sona Levu:(Sona Levu) Large anus, probably due to the large amounts of butt secks that you have been engaging in.
Friend1: Your shoes make you look gay.
Friend2: Sona levu.
Matava sona:(Matava sona) Having a face that resembles an asshole. Funny.
Friend1: Your makeup makes you look like a matavasona.
Friend2: …
Cici Levu:(Thee Thee Levu) See Sona Levu.
Vutulaki:(Vutu lah kee) Masturbator, or engaging in the act of masturbation. Fijian version of ‘wanker’.
Friend1: He been take the blue home and vutulaki in the corner hahaha!
or
Friend1: What? You forgot? You one vutulaki saraga!
Lau vutu:(Lau vuu tuu) The act of anal sex.
Guy1: You see those two? They gay saraga.
Guy2: Yep. They baci lau vutu at home with the rewa butter.
Guy1: caaaaaiiiiitttta.
Samuraki:(Samu rahkee) Sexual Intercourse or the act of fucking, or having had sex with subject in question. Used interchangeably with the slang ‘root’.
Friend1: Hey is that Kim?
Friend2: Yeah. I been samuraki her last week.
Tonoka nomu cici:(Tonoka na nomu ee thee thee) Go poke your own anus. Or, if you want to tell someone to poke another person, then you can say Tonoka nona cici. Not necessarily full penetration, but more of a playful tom-foolery poke. Unless you’re a more in-depth sort of person.
Drau vei Tono:(Drau vei tono) Telling two people to poke each other in the anus. Similar to ‘the both of you go fuck yourselves‘
Friend1: Haha.
Friend2: Drau vei tono you bitches.
Kubuti Yau:(Kumbuu tee yau) Have oral sex with my penis. Straight to the peni point. Best used when you really want to offend someone. Like, really.
Friend1: So in closing, I’d have to say that you pretty much suck.
Friend2: …Kubuti Yau.
Friend1: Sorry?
Friend2: 
Well folks, there you have it. Its not a comprehensive, total list, but rather a compilation of the more popular swears that have made it to our (mostly) young people’s mouths today. If you think a popular swear word was missed out, let us know! The same goes for the pronunciation/meaning.
Now get out there, and start practicing your swears! And in no time, you should be mixing it up with the best of them, filthy words and all.
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