Archive for January, 2008

What is Wonderful about Great Literature…

Posted by Wilson in Education, engrish, literacy, pic on January 30, 2008

When visiting town and having free time on my hands, I usually like to spend it visiting the bookstore to look like a smart-arse see what is the latest book on offer.

If you happen to enter this particular bookstore, you will notice that the following notice is worth noticing.

The Notice

The Fuck up Slip-up

What is wonderful about great literature is that it transforms the man who reads it towards the condition of the man who wrote. ~E. M. Forster

Although the above notice is not great literature, I would not want to be transformed towards the condition of the man who wrote it.

2 Comments

Sit at home and watch shit fly. Again.

Posted by Wilson in hurricane, weather on January 30, 2008

Looks familiar?

Yes ladies and gentlemen, it’s that time of the year again where Fiji experiences the joys of mother nature and what she has to offer, namely in the form of a Cyclone called Daman Gene. Thats right, Fiji will be adding yet another historic event to its logbook.

A cursory glance at the above picture will show how Cyclone Daman Gene, was formed right smack bang in the centre of Fiji. Somehow, Daman Gene decided, “You know what? It would be fun to say form right in the middle of Fiji so that EVERYONE can feel the love!” Next thing you know, Fiji gets a hurricane, and a weird sounding one at that.

The only good thing this cyclone ever got right was its timing, choosing to visit just on the start of Monday afternoon, spelling ‘day-off’ for everyone, me included.

On a less then happy note, 4 people were killed in the wake of the cyclone. The most unfortunate death being the form 3 student who went swimming at the vatuwaqa passage on Tuesday, a day after the cyclone was supposed to have passed. However, the winds were still very strong, and the girl was swept away by strong currents.

Lesson of the day?

Cyclone + Sea Current = NO SWIMMING. PERIOD.

Note: If the above post looks somewhat familiar, thats because I’ve copy pasted from a previous article “Sit at home and watch shit fly”. Lazy? Not really. Template? Maybe. I did this to illustrate how often Fiji gets cyclones (we’ve mastered Disaster Management to a fine art I tell you) and perhaps who knows? This could be the new standard for reporting on cyclones and hurricanes happening here in Fiji! :D

No Comments

Do you know what a Fiji is?

Posted by Wilson in annoying, fiji, funny, internet on January 18, 2008

That is a question that, in one form or another, never fails to irk me to no end. The Internet may have brought people from around the world more closer to each other, but by golly have the ignorant come out from the woods.

If you’re a local like me, and you’re online, combining the magic words “Fiji” and “From” will net you the following questions from a few people who have a fair idea of what kind of place you come from, if albit skewed:

“Fiji? WOW! Do you live in a hut beside the sea?”

“How the hell are you even online?”

And my personal favourite:

“So…do you surf?”

I’ve decided, enough is enough. No more bullcrap about having only one website for the whole country, no more nonsense about having coconut trees and nothing else. It’s time to stop the mis-education and begin the training on what exactly Fiji is all about.

I searched the net, scouring websites the world over, looking for that one place that has honesty, integrity and most importantly, the facts and nothing but the facts. Wikipedia? No way. Anything with an edit button cannot be trusted. Those countless ask websites? Are you kidding? They’ve got hired monkeys who’s astronaut days are over manning those workstations ><

I was loosing steam when I stumbled across this little germ in the vast world of know-it-alls.

Encyclopedia Dramatica (NSFW) is basically Wikipedia given the lolz treatment. What kind of treatment you may ask?

A quick search for ‘Fiji’ will yield the following article:

Fiji is a small island nation in the South Pacific that can’t stop fucking itself over. It is expected that Fiji will soon blow itself up and sink to the ocean floor next Thursday.

It then goes into great detail on how exactly the two coups went down, with Rupert Murdoch and Australia (XD) getting involved in the whole mess, and people going to jail, including good ol’ George.

It then ends with a thoughtful note.

Nobody will ever trust Fiji.

True dat ^_^

Interestingly enough, after reading that absolutely factual, ‘true-dat’ write up on Fiji, I was curious as to which other pacific nation received the lulz treatment. Turns out, besides New Zealand and Australia, Fiji is the only pacific country that gets the Internet make-over. Other countries such as Tuvalu, Papua New Guinea etc are spared of the attention.

Cool. And so the education continues.

Reminder: Our slogan competition still runs! Make a funky slogan for this website and you could win an awesome t-shirt that’ll not only grant you great mental powers, but will also get you that job promotion as well as a lifetime supply of lovo stones!

Or maybe just the t-shirt.

2 Comments

Its Competition Time Folks!

Posted by Wilson in bloggers, competition on January 13, 2008

Whats this? A competition you say? But how? and why? Is there some subtle reason why this blog would bother to embark on such an endeavor with no possible gain? Perhaps a karma vote is needed by one of the bloggers. Or maybe just a sexual favour.

Unfortunately, the real reason is alot less exciting (and doesn’t involve sex) though nevertheless necessary, and if done well, should turn out to be slightly more fun then Sunday Dateline Fiji episodes.

A quick cursory glance at the right side of the blog will reveal that we’re nearing our momentous 100th post, this one being the 94th. Also, we’re nearing our 1st year Anniversary. Now while more established blogs tend to go all out and celebrate with no holds barred, we unfortunately do not have a budget to encompass both hired people with loose moral values as well as beer to be poured on said people’s chests.

However, we can commemorate our infamous 100th post as well as our 1 year in running with at least something since cheap skates we are not, and with that I can happily announce our very first contest!

Paradise Not Found: Abort, Retry, Fail? Slogan Competition

Here at Paradise Not Found we’re celebrating our upcoming 1 year in running by offering you faithful readers (yes, all 3 of you!) a chance to win one of these T-shirts!

Click on image for a larger view

All you have to do is to email us at failedparadise@gmail.com and give us your wittiest slogan that you think best describes this blog. This slogan will go at the top of the website underneath the banner, and will be a shining example of your ability to humour the world, with the T-shirt for bragging rights! A classic win-win situation if I may say.

Before you get your cerebrals cracking, there are a few conditions:

  1. Only one shirt is up for grabs.
  2. Email your entries to failedparadise@gmail.com, along with your name and postal address, as well as which T-shirt you’d like to take home should you hit the jackpot. Don’t forget to include your shirt size.
  3. You can come up with as many slogans as you like – the more the merrier ;)
  4. This competition will end February 14, 2008 at 9pm PST.
  5. The real kicker – this contest is only open to residents of the Fiji Islands. No international entries will be accepted. The day we start getting six figure bank accounts to be able to mail stuff overseas is when we’ll make our contests worldwide ;)
  6. The winning entry will be picked by a panel of judges – namely us – and the decision is final, with the winner notified via email.

Looking forward to seeing some interesting stuff ;)

6 Comments

Viva La Flip-flops!

Posted by Allen in fiji, flip-flops, lifestyle on January 10, 2008

A popular form of casual footwear in Fiji is the flip-flop. The common ones can be cheaply purchased from any shoe shop in Fiji, with the most popular brands being the “Bata” and “Bobcat” brand.

Personally, I prefer the “Bata” brand, which are simply black in colour and plain in appearance i.e. no fancy designs. Since I have yet to become a certified flip-flop reviewer, I won’t go into the pros and cons of the aforementioned brands.

When it comes to footwear, one of the favourite pastimes for most locals when visiting a house, is to walk away with someone else’s pair. This form of activity can also be classified as stealing, but since it has become common occurrence, and due to the fact that the common flip-flops are sold cheaply, most people have come to accept this as the norm. [Translation: This is Fiji Style]

I choose to wear “Bata” flip-flops, when visiting homes where common wisdom has it that there is a very high risk that I may never see my (costly or cheap) footwear again.

Yours truly, recently became a victim of this country’s favourite pastime. What makes this incident rather peculiar is that the culprit walked off with only one half of my flip-flop, and was kind enough to leave behind a smaller size.

The latest in Fiji footwear fashion. I present to you the wrong sizes.
Warning: Viewing the enlarged (disgusting) image may cause
Nausea and Loss of Appetite


I guess it’s time to visit the shoe shop for another cheap pair of flip-flops. As for now, I’m content with going pato, which is local speak for barefoot.

No Comments